


You're such a nerd

by BlickScondiblick



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Muggle, F/M, Single Parent James Potter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-30
Updated: 2019-07-30
Packaged: 2020-07-27 12:03:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 26,776
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20045713
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BlickScondiblick/pseuds/BlickScondiblick
Summary: James is a single dad, and Lily is a kindergarten teacher at a prestigious pre-school that James has been trying to get Harry in. So, James has to convince her that his 4 year old son is a genius.





	You're such a nerd

**Author's Note:**

> Full disclosure: the prompt is only the starting point of the story, but not the only plotline, I just kinda got carried away by everything as you can tell by the word count.

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a man in possession of a 4 year old boy, must be in want of the best pre-school in town.

James Potter was no exception to that truth. In fact, he was now on the most desperate search of his life, one that involved internet deep dives, countless visits to each and every school, and keeping an eye on the teachers he knew to be in charge of admissions.

It was exhausting.

But Harry was not an ordinary boy and he would not be going to just any ordinary school. He would go to the very best one. Jane Austen Pre-school for Gifted Children. James had finally made his decision.

The children there had field trips every other day, and in the courtyard, there were a few chicken and rabbits the kids helped taking care of. The classrooms were spacious and sunny, and the school in itself was barely a ten minute walk from Sirius and Remus' apartment.

It was perfect. Not to mention it was the most prestigious preschool in town and that James had had his eye on it ever since Harry was born.

It was perfect. Or at least it would have been, if not for the teacher who had just stuffed in her car a little boy who was so clearly not her son.

James quickly ducked before she turned to him, forgetting the windows of his minivan were stained and no one could see inside. But still. He had no right being on this parking lot, when it was parent pick up time, and he could not help feeling guilty over monopolizing a precious spot.

He was only here to try to see if he recognized any of the friends he had made at the _Mommy & Me_ group when Harry was 6 months old. Getting into that school wasn't easy, and knowing someone on the inside would be a tremendous help.

But now. Now this situation required all his attention.

Parent time rush hour was over, and it was only his car and four others on the parking lot. It was only him, this woman, and the kicking and screaming child she tried to fasten inside her car. She kept raising her head and looking left and right, as if worried someone might approach.

At first, James had thought about getting over there to help. Then he had noticed the car was parked on a faculty member parking spot, and he feared he might have been told off for being here in the first place. For some reason, people didn't like grown men lurking alone outside of schools.

Then, James had noticed something else. This was not just any faculty member, this was Miss Evans. And Miss Evans did not have any kids.

He knew this, because she was the teacher that took care of admissions, and because he had spent an embarrassingly long time looking her up. He knew she lived alone and had no children, that she loved cats and mountain climbing, and that she was incredibly, incredibly fit.

Which he tried not to focus on, as she shut the car door behind her and began to drive away. This woman was possibly a child kidnapper. What did he care that she had great legs and even greater hair.

Without even thinking about it, before he could think it through and realize what a terrible idea this was, James turned the keys in the ignition and started following her car out of the parking lot.

“Well, that was suspicious,” he said to himself before glancing up at the rear-view mirror. “Harry, I think this is another case for detective Prongs, wouldn't you agree?”

Harry was sleeping, his little red cheek pressed against the side of the car seat, his hair a mess of unruly black curls pointing in every direction. He never took better naps than in the car, and James smiled at the reflection.

He had the best kid in the whole wide world. He ought to be the best dad possible in return. And that included making sure Harry's future teacher had not just kidnapped a child from her own classroom.

He tailed her blue Audi all the way to the park.

He probably shouldn't do this. It probably was the worst idea he had ever had. But he had gotten this far, hadn't he? And if a child could potentially be in danger, then he had to make sure, right?

He parked his car a few spots away from hers and tried to reach a decision as he watched her take the child out of the car seat.

Whatever the relationship between the woman and child might be, the kid was having none of it. His face was red from crying and tears stayed stuck at the top of his enormous cheeks. To say he was overweight would be putting it mildly.

He wiggled so hard into Evans' arms it looked like she had just caught the biggest salmon in the county. When she put him down, he refused to use his legs and remained limp on the ground, until she had but no choice than to drag him to the playground.

James stayed in the car for a little while, trying as much as he could to delay the moment where he would have to wake up Harry. He could still see Evans from his car, she had stopped in front of the ice cream parlor and the kid holding her hand was finally quiet.

So far, Evans' behavior was not abnormal. James loved to take Harry to the park and, on hot, sunny days like these, share an ice cream cone with his son. Nothing suspicious about it.

James was about to give up on his amateur investigation all together when Evans gave another look around, just like she had in front of the school. Eyebrows furrowed with concern, biting down on her bottom lip, she was the furthest thing from a mom enjoying a sunny afternoon with her kid at the park.

James got out of the car. He had no idea what he was doing. He didn't know if he should talk to her, or what he would even say if he did. But this lady seemed scared, and he couldn't just sit around and do nothing.

He woke up Harry with a featherlight kiss on the forehead.

“Hey buddy,” he said softly. “We're at the park.”

Harry's hazel eyes fluttered for a few seconds before opening wide.

“The park?” he repeated, and James thought his heart was going to burst because oh he had missed that voice so much, it had only been an hour, but how had he survived for so long without that voice. “Can I play with the slide?”

“On the slide,” corrected James absentmindedly. “Yes, you can, if you repeat the park rules to me.”

Harry kicked his legs against the front seat to showcase his impatience, then stopped in front of the thoroughly unimpressed expression of his dad. He then raised his hand and started counting off his fingers.

“I don't go anywhere you can't see me. I can't talk to grown-ups I don't know. I can't...”

“Follow anyone, nowhere, no matter what,” completed James. “Always say in my line of sight, and if someone tries to take you somewhere, start screaming at the top of your lungs.”

“Top of my lungs?”

“Very loud.”

“Okay daddy.”

James couldn't resist giving another kiss to Harry's forehead while helping him out of the car seat. That little boy grew up faster than James could comprehend. One minute he was a baby, barely able to roll around, much less walk, and the next he was a walking, talking, whole entire child.

“Have fun!”

Harry had taken off the second his feet were on the ground. He was ridiculously fast. James watched him climb the first few steps of the slide and wait for his turn behind older kids.

Harry waved at James when he noticed him watching, and James waved back before casually approaching the bench where Evans was sitting, under the shade of a great oak tree, on the edge of the playground.

In the few seconds it took him to walk over there, he elaborated the perfect plan. He would just sit by her and strike up a conversation about their kids. Nothing more natural.

“Are you stalking me?” Unfortunately, he never got to put this plan into action. Evans had turned to him, and was now watching him with a mix of anger and confusion.

And God. He knew she was fit, he had seen her Instagram. But he didn't know she was breathtaking.

All the details he had not been able to make out from afar hit him with full force. Her freckles, her dimple, the scar above her left eyebrow. The fire burning in her emerald eyes almost knocked him over.

And her voice, dear God, her voice. A low rumble of thunder made alive.

James snapped back to reality the second he put together the meaning of the words she spoke to him.

“No! No, I'm not stalking you,” he protested. “I mean, I am, but not in a creepy way.”

“I think I'm the one that gets to decide if it's creepy or not.” Evans arched a perfect eyebrow and it was like a kick to James' stomach. “And from where I'm standing, it's definitely creepy.”

“I promise you won't think it's creepy once I get a chance to explain. Can I sit?”

“No.”

“Thank you,” said James, sitting.

Evans let out a sigh and focused her attention back to the playground, where the kid she had brought was picking out small rocks from the ground and depositing them carefully into his open palm.

“You've been following me since the school,” said Evans, keeping her gaze fixated on the kid. Her tone was undecipherable. “Is there a reason?”

“Yes.” James let out a breath he didn't know he was holding, and gladly explained himself. “I saw you get in a car with a child that is very clearly not yours, and drive away like you were stealing something. I wanted to make sure you didn't kidnap him.”

There was a pause during which neither of them said anything, leaving James to look at Evans for maybe a second too long. Her auburn hair cascaded in waves on her freckled shoulders.

“I've got to say,” she started. “I've never seen anyone jump to conclusions as quickly as you have.”

“Thank you, it's a real talent.”

There was another pause. Evans still didn't look at him, but James could have sworn he had seen the shadow of a smile tugging at her lips.

“He's my nephew,” she said. “Dudley's my sister's kid. I take him to the park every Wednesday, not that I owe you an explanation. I would appreciate it if you didn't call the police on me though.”

Red of embarrassment rushed to James' cheeks. Of course she hadn't kidnapped a child out of her classroom in broad daylight. Of course there was a perfectly logical explanation.

“Why were you acting so suspiciously then?” he asked suddenly, remembering her attitude on the parking lot and in line at the ice cream parlor. “You were looking around as if someone was out to get you or something.”

“Yeah,” she scoffed. “Lucius Malfoy.”

“Malf... you mean Narcissa's husband?” James sat up on the bench so fast that Evans turned to him, and once again, he was overwhelmed by her eyes. They were so green and the park lacked so much oxygen all of a sudden.

“Ex-husband, yeah. Why? You know the Malfoys?”

“I know Narcissa.” He nodded, trying to act as though her knees, almost touching his, weren't completely throwing off his attempt at appearing calm and collected. “She went to the _Mommy & me_ class over on Maple street. Saw her a few times there. Never talked to her though. What's her husband want from you?”

“You went to a _Mommy & me_ class?”

“Several classes. I make a great mommy when I want to. And you haven't answered my question.”

“Do I have to?”

“No. But then I will die of curiosity and you don't want that on your conscience. So why are you avoiding Malfoy?”

Evans turned back to the park and paused for a few seconds while her eyes searched for her nephew. Unconsciously, James imitated her, and quickly found Harry sitting on the floor by the swings with a couple other kids waiting for their turn. Evans followed his gaze.

“Which one's yours?” she asked, nodding towards the group.

“The cute one.”

“Yellow shirt and black hair sticking out everywhere?”

“Yeah,” said James, failing to downplay how impressed he was by her quick deduction. “How did you know?”

“He looks exactly like you.” She smiled, for the first time since James had sat down.

And God. That smile.

The way it grabbed James and held him in place. The way it tugged at his heartstrings. How it reminded him of everything in the world that was beautiful, and mysterious, and sad.

It was gone within seconds, but God. James knew he had to do everything in his power to get it back.

Immediately, he caught himself, and stopped the thoughts from forming in his mind. This could not happen. Not now, not ever. He shut the lid of a metallic box over his heart, and the clink echoed in the hollowness of his chest. This would not happen.

“His name is Harry,” he said, to keep himself distracted, to get her to look away, because the space between them on the narrow bench wasn't much, and because under the pressure of her eyes James couldn't breathe. “He's four.” How mundane, how trivial could he keep this conversation, when his heart was hammering against his ribcage and she was bound to hear the sound, any minute now.

“Let me guess,” she said, holding up a perfect finger. “You want to register him at Jane Austen's.”

Never had James been read so effortlessly. She seemed to be always one step ahead of him. How she managed to stay so quick-witted and sharp as a knife while at the same time keeping an eye on her nephew, playing several feet away, James did not know.

“I do,” he admitted. He had to be smart about this, but honesty was his best chance. “I heard there was an opening in your class for next September.”

“It doesn't work like that.” She let out a small sigh. “This is a school for gifted children, not everyone can get in. Is Harry gifted?”

That was just the thing. Harry was gifted. Gifted with beautiful, luscious, untamable black curls. Gifted with a speed only matched by feral cats. With a curious mind and hazel eyes that stared into your soul. But not with much else.

He talked with the ease of any other 4 year old boy, but he didn't have a lot of vocabulary, and there was a small lisp on the tip of his tongue that came out from time to time. He knew how to count to ten the way he could memorize songs. He was a smart little boy, but he was not brilliant, or even above average in regards to intelligence.

“He's very special,” said James, with a fond smile he couldn't help towards Harry, who was now running and trying to scare off small flocks of birds.

“I can see that.” Evans was looking at Harry too. With a smile warm enough to melt James right there on the spot. “Great motor skills, but our tests are designed to look for signs the kids might be prodigies. So either in the arts or in one or several scientific fields.”

“Scientific fields? They're four!”

Evans shrugged.

“Listen, I don't make the rules, I just apply them.” She didn't look happy about it. And if he really thought about it, James understood. Having to decide which kids would get to receive the best education the city could provide, and which kids would have to fall back on the next school in the district, no matter how overcrowded or underfunded, it had to be a tough job.

“How good is the Malfoy kid?” James couldn't help himself from asking.

Evans pinched her lips into a thin white line and raised her eyebrows.

“I don't know. The Malfoys are said to have... connections. With headmistress Umbridge for example. And there are talks amongst the faculty of... bribes and money play. It's just politics at this point, nothing to do with little Draco. The Malfoys don't want the best for their son, they want the best for their reputation. And Umbridge, well, she wants the best for her bank account.” Evans stopped, and her eyes widened a little bit when she realized what she had just said. “I shouldn't have told you this.”

James raised his palm to calm her down, but before he had the time to promise he would never tell a soul, she spoke again.

“I shouldn't... I shouldn't even be talking to you at all, if I'm going to be judging your kid on some... ridiculous criteria, I... I might as well be objective when I do it.” She got up, and adjusted the strap of her purse on her shoulder. “Admissions for September are in four weeks, but I'm guessing you know that already. See you then, Mr...”

“Potter. But you can call me James.”

“Well, see you then, James.”

She left in a soundless whirlwind, clutching her purse in one hand, and pushing Dudley forward with the other.

She wasn't like anyone he had ever met. And it didn't matter, it really didn't matter that his heart was still hammering in his chest, long after she left. And it didn't matter that she had the most beautiful eyes, or the very best smile, it didn't matter at all.

Because she was Lily Evans, Harry's soon-to-be teacher. With just a bit of luck and the right amount of preparation.

She was there the next Wednesday.

On the same bench, under the great oak tree. It was the best bench after all. You could see the whole playground from there, from the slides to the swings, and even inside that little bush the kids loved to hide in. It was the best bench because it was where Lily Evans sat.

She didn't look up when he arrived. Didn't turn to him when he sat down next to her. It drove him mad. Women usually loved to look at him. They took every opportunity to touch his arm, laugh at his jokes, bat their eyelashes at him and throw their hair above their shoulders.

Lily didn't do that.

Maybe that was why he returned to that bench. Because she challenged him in ways he could not yet understand. Or maybe because he had not been able to stop thinking about her.

He had tried to tell himself that it was because he was worried about Harry's place in this pre-school. But it was not just that, and he knew it too well.

It was so unlike him to get stuck on someone like this. She was a stranger. A stranger whose Instagram page he had visited a grand total of twenty eight times, but a stranger nonetheless.

A stranger that had specifically said she shouldn't talk to him. A stranger he was desperate to talk to again.

“Hello, James.” She was the one who broke the silence. James couldn't help but feel a pinch of pride. She remembered his name. And despite not having raised her head, and not looking at him at all, she knew it was him.

Maybe it meant something.

Or maybe it didn't mean anything and James was getting carried away again.

“Hi,” he answered. The word felt stupid as soon as it escaped his lips. 'Hi'? _'Hi'_? He should have gone with a more formal '_Good afternoon_', or maybe a more charming _'Nice to see you again, how are you, what are you doing here, did you know that I have been thinking about you, wondering how to talk to you, hoping you would want to talk to me too?'. _Yeah, he should have gone with a nice opening like that. Anything other that '_Hi_'.

“Where's Harry?” she asked, before James had the time to pick the perfect spot to bury himself alive out of shame.

“Oh, he's over there, on the slide.” James pointed at his son, who slid down the giant yellow tube with a squeal of glee and waved frantically to his dad.

“Oh, I didn't recognize him! Did he get a haircut? His hair seems shorter. Less...” She gestured around her head and James nodded.

“Less too much, yeah,” he completed. “I cut his hair so he would look more like the genius he is.”

Lily turned to him as the amusement forcefully carved its way on her face. Her eyes shined so bright when she smiled. James could barely breathe when she looked at him like that.

Dear God, he wished she would always look at him like that.

“So he's a genius, now, is he?” she said, still unable to wipe the smile from her face.

“Well, he's always been a genius.” James had to look away from her, just so he could catch his breath. He thanked everything he knew for that bench, and for the children bursting into a fit or laughter, and everything that gave him an excuse to look somewhere, anywhere that wasn't her.

He now was grateful that she didn't always look at him when she spoke, because her eyes... well, her eyes, they knocked the wind out of him.

“Harry, come here!” he called out, to give himself something else to do than stare at her and die of oxygen deprivation.

Harry ran to the bench impossibly fast and almost crashed into his dad's legs.

“Show off,” said James, laughing and ruffling up Harry's hair.

This was the part of the plan where everything could go wrong. Harry was a smart boy, with a good memory, but James would be lying if he didn't admit that his son could be a little unpredictable from time to time.

“How are you, buddy?” he said, squeezing Harry's small shoulder to remind him of what they had practiced.

“Good,” said Harry, with the flat tone of someone repeating something they have learned by heart. “I am simply a bit tired after being up all night reading.”

“You can read, Harry?” said Lily suddenly, leaning forward and placing her elbow on her knee. “What were you reading last night?”

Harry gave a side-way look at his father and continued speaking in the same monotone voice.

“A... physics manual, miss.”

“Do you like physics?” Even without looking at her, James could hear the smile in Lily's voice.

“I think...” Harry gave another side-way glance at James, looking for support. “I think physics are cool.” He leaned in towards James and whispered loudly. “Sorry dad, I forgot.”

“It's okay, buddy. Go back and play.” James gave a small friendly slap on Harry's back, and the little boy left as quickly as he had arrived.

“Physics?” repeated Lily once Harry was far enough away. “A physics manual? You have got to be kidding me.”

James opened his palms innocently.

“What? He loves it, what can I do?”

“It's adorable that you thought this was in any way believable.” She was struggling to hold back her smile and failing miserably. “And I didn't know it was possible, but your son is an even worst liar than you are.”

“I'm a _great_ liar, actually, thank you,” said James, acting offended. “And Harry's four, and he did his very best, give him a little credit.”

“If anything, he's exceptionally cute.”

She was looking at Harry with a fond smile. James could have spent hours watching her looking at Harry.

Her features softened so much when she watched the children play. There was no crease between her eyebrows, no lines of worry on her forehead, nothing but love in her eyes.

That shadow that always obscured her face left her, only for a couple of blissful seconds.

James could tell she had a secret. That it was something heavy, something that grounded her, something she carried on her shoulders and on the back of her neck. Behind her eyes.

He didn't dare to ask what it was.

How could he? He was a stranger to her. And she was a stranger to him. Almost.

He knew nothing about her but her name, and the things she willingly shared on her social media. Her job. Her hobbies (mountain climbing). Her pet (a gray kitten named Dorothy). Her favorite plate (chicken and roasted potatoes).

He knew the best parts of her, the ones she put forward. And other things too.

He knew the way she liked to dress when it was sunny outside. The way she crossed her legs and absentmindedly played with the strap of her purse. He knew her favorite place in the park. He knew her face by heart, and the way she looked like when she tried not to smile. How she pushed her hair back, and tucked loose strands behind her ear. He knew her voice, and the low rumble at the back of her throat that reminded him of thunder.

He knew the way she spoke to kids. He knew the way she spoke to him.

And no, he didn't know her, not really. But the melodies she hummed when she thought he couldn't hear were his favorites.

Maybe _that_ meant something.

Or maybe it didn't. Maybe James had just been alone for too long, and his stupid, lonely little heart had decided to beat only for red hair and green eyes.

There was so much more on the line. Like Harry's future. James couldn't allow himself to get distracted.

“Okay, so let's say Harry didn't spend his night reading a physics manual,” he admitted. “Let's pretend for just a second that he hasn't yet taken an interest in any scientific field. He's still very, very smart.”

“I never said he wasn't,” Lily interrupted.

“I know.” James held up his hand as a sign she should let him finish. “I know. But let's pretend, just for now, that he is not a genius. Because you know. He's four. An actual child. Who likes... the zoo and the slide and normal child things. Would it be wrong for me to do whatever it takes for him to go to a decent school?”

Lily looked down and shook her head softly. She opened her mouth and closed it, seemingly searching for the right words.

“You want to be a role model for your kid,” she said finally. “And what are you teaching him? That... getting into a good school is more important than having integrity? That a good social status and a good reputation is worth giving up on principles? You're encouraging him to lie about who he is, and doing that, you're telling him that he is not enough.” She dropped her voice and leaned towards James. “And we both know that Harry is more than enough. Just because he isn't a genius doesn't mean he has no value. A better school is bound to see that.”

“There is no better school,” James counteracted. “This is the best there is. And you don't like those rules, do you? This stupid... admission test or whatever it is. You don't like it, so surely there is a way you can go around it.” He knew he shouldn't say that. But Lily's didn't flinch so he continued. “I don't care about social status, I just want what's best for my son. That means getting him the best education possible, and the only way he's going to get that, is if he gets into this school.”

Lily bit down on her bottom lip and there was a long pause before she answered.

“I don't like those rules, you're right. But it doesn't change the fact that they exist and that I could get fired if I didn't respect them. I hate those rules but I will never break them. I can't let Harry in, when he is so clearly a perfectly average little boy. I could lose my job. And he would be better off somewhere else. Don't lose sight of what's important.”

“What's more important than getting a good education?”

“Honesty. Integrity.”

James felt all his arguments crumbling one by one. She was right. The words she spoke were hard to hear, but it was necessary for him to understand them and admit them as true.

Teaching Harry to lie about his capacities might have been James' lowest point as a parent.

But it was hard. It was so hard.

And no, he wasn't alone, he had Sirius and Remus who helped him as much as they could, and Peter never turned down a babysitting gig. His friends loved Harry and treated him as if he was their own son, but at the end of the day, when they all went back to their respective homes, it was James who was left alone with a mess of a house and a tiny human to raise.

By himself.

His parents, Euphemia and Fleamont, had helped, at first. They had taught him all about bottles and diapers and cribs and play-mats and rockers. And James had thought, stupidly, that they would always be around.

He didn't think that a car accident would take them both. Not so soon. Not while he still needed them.

He didn't think he would ever feel so alone.

The weight of the responsibilities grew heavier and heavier everyday. On his shoulders. And it would be his spine that would snap under the pressure.

His mind had already started to give in, take the easy path. Making Harry lie? That wasn't James. That had never been something he imagined himself doing, not in a million years. But he was exhausted, out of resources. All alone.

Because it didn't matter that Sirius stopped by the apartment almost everyday with new toys and new things Harry would break instantly. It didn't matter that Remus and Peter were at the door as soon as James sent half a text asking for help.

It didn't matter, because the right thing, the parenting thing, he did alone. Everyday.

“I'm sorry,” he said softly. “I guess I did lose sight of what's important.”

He did it all by himself and sometimes he did it wrong. He messed up, because he was human and he was young.

“No,” Lily said. “_I'm_ sorry. I wish there was more I could do. But I'm sure you'll find a great school for Harry.”

She got up, adjusted her purse strap on her shoulder and called for Dudley.

“Wait,” said James, surprising even himself. He hadn't planned to speak, but he knew he had to say something. “Can you stay? Just for a little bit?”

“No,” she answered, shaking her head at the ground again. “I'm not supposed to even be talking to you right now.”

“So why are you?”

He knew she wouldn't answer. Because he could barely admit to himself, but this force, pulling them towards each other like magnets, it was there. Undeniable. Unspeakable. And she had to feel it too.

“I don't know,” she said, softly, shaking her head to herself.

When she left, there was a smile lingering on James' lips.

Lily Evans was a terrible liar too.

James didn't go back to the park, that next Wednesday. Why would he? He had lost Harry the chance to go to Jane Austen's, so he had to find something else, and he had to find it fast. Places for September were going out quickly from all the pre-schools in town.

He had wasted too much time already.

On top of all the research he had to do, the medical appointments for Harry, his soccer practice, his piano and karate lessons, the meals and nap time, James still had to find the time to go the mall and buy Harry some new clothes.

“How are you already growing out of all the shirts Santa brought you? You need to stop growing or soon you'll be taller than daddy!”

Harry threw his head back against the head rest and laughed wholeheartedly at his dad's joke, while James parked by a mini-van.

“Ready to go shopping?” he asked, glancing at the rear-view mirror.

“YEAAH!” Harry brandished two little fists in the air. Even with his arms extended above his head, he couldn't reach the roof of the car. James smiled at his son's enthusiasm before leaning over, opening the glove box and pulling out the prescription that had been sitting there for the better part of a month.

“And maybe if we have time we can go pick up your new glasses.”

“NOOO!”

“Hey, that's not up for debate! If you hadn't thrown the old ones down the toilet, you wouldn't need new glasses in the first place!”

Harry kicked the front seat and James frowned at him from the rear-view mirror.

“You know what, you've brought this on yourself. We're going to get your new glasses first thing.”

“NOOOO!”

Getting Harry out of the car and on his feet was challenging. At first, he refused to even stand, and it was only after several minutes of negotiations that he agreed to hold James' hand and walk. Still, he screamed the entire time it took them to cross the parking lot, and finally stopped once they reached the doors of the mall.

“I don't want glasses,” he said as soon as the optical shop was in sight, and he let go of James' hand, crossed his arms over his chest and started pouting.

“Well, first, thank you for using your big boy words,” said James. “Screaming is not how we communicate. Second, why don't you want glasses? Don't you want to look just like daddy?”

Harry didn't say anything but followed his father into the store diligently.

James presented the prescription at the front desk and tapped his fingers on the edge of it while the optometrist went at the back to pick up Harry's glasses. When the man came back, James paid, got off his seat, and turned around only to find that Harry was no longer behind him.

James looked left. Right. Harry was gone.

He ran. He ran and he yelled Harry's name so loud the world started spinning.

He didn't care about the people watching, he didn't care about the noise he was making and the many heads that turned to him, nothing mattered, his baby was gone. Gone. And with him, all the oxygen in the world.

James' lungs were collapsing on themselves, but that didn't matter either, it didn't matter one bit, because Harry was gone.

“HARRY!”

And perhaps Harry had just wandered off and was making puppy eyes at the cashier of whatever candy shop, like that one time in May. Perhaps he was fine and had just seen someone who looked extraordinarily like Peter and started following them, like that one time in December.

The other possibilities James didn't want to think about.

The rock inside of James' stomach grew heavier at each second that passed. He didn't know if he wanted to puke or cry or scream.

“HARRY!”

“I got him!” The more than familiar voice had risen from several feet away, and James found its owner easily in the crowd. Auburn hair and emerald eyes. Lily Evans held his son's hand as if it was the most natural thing in the world.

James ran to them. Fell to his knees in front of Harry and pulled him into the tightest of embrace.

“I found him running alone to the parking lot, and I figured he might have escaped you,” said Lily.

James didn't say anything. He couldn't. The knot in his throat prevented him from speaking a single word. Lily seemed to understand.

“I can't breathe, daddy.” Only when the smothered voice rose from in between his arms did James stood up, lifting up Harry and throwing him over his shoulder like a potato sack.

“Put me down,” Harry whined.

“You forgot the magic word.”

“Put me down, please.”

“No, I'm not never letting you walk again. You ran away, so you've lost walking privileges. Sucks to be you I guess.”

Harry laughed and James gave him a little shake. He wanted to be mad, but how could he, when Harry's laugh was the most infectious sound on earth?

“I thought you'd be at the park,” James said, with an awkward nod towards Lily. “It's Wednesday.”

“No, I... I figured you would... be there, so I...”

“Oh.” James felt his heart sink inside his chest. “I'm sorry, I didn't realize my presence there was so unbearable. It is... your bench after all.”

“No, it's not that, it's just...”

“No, it's fine. I get it.” Blood rushed to James' face. He didn't mean to be so defensive, but the past five minutes had been a true roller-coaster of emotion, and anger made for a great defense mechanism. “And just so you know, I'm not a stalker. I didn't follow you here or anything, in fact I didn't even go to the park because I thought _you_ would be there, so...”

“No, I know, it's not...”

“Lils!” A woman had emerged from the crowd and sunk her bright red nails, sharp as claws, into Lily's arm. “Introduce us?”

“Oh, yeah, sorry. Tuney, this is James, a...” Lily paused, and for a short, sweet, delicious second, James thought she was going to say 'a friend'. “A dad who had been considering Jane Austen's as a potential school for his son, Harry, who you can see here on his shoulder. James, this is Petunia, my sister. Dudley's mom.”

Her sister. James would have never guessed it in a million years. They were worlds apart.

Petunia was much taller than her sister, and her thin, blond hair was put together in a neat bun at the top of her head, while her sister's red curls cascaded down her shoulders. Petunia had no freckles, no dimple, no light behind her cold, blue eyes.

While Lily transpired energy and life, Petunia drained it. They were complete opposites but complementary in a way.

“And where would be Harry's mother?” asked Petunia, looking around as if she couldn't see in James' face the bravery and the tiredness that could belong only to a single parent.

“There's no... He has... no mom,” James answered. Four years and he had never been able to face that question without stuttering.

“Oh.” Petunia didn't manage to hide the disgust the corners of her mouth. “Another father, then?”

“No, no, no, it's not like that.” The blood was back into James' cheek, for an entirely different reason this time. “It's just me. I'm not gay. Not that there's anything wrong with being gay. My brother, Sirius, is gay. I'm not... I mean, not really... I like women.” He couldn't help a side-way glance to Lily as he said that last word. She looked just as mortified as he was.

“Oh,” repeated Petunia, visibly pleased. “Then I hope to see you in the PTA next September. It'll be lovely to have you.”

James shook his head and gave her the most polite smile he could manage.

“I'm actually not quite decided yet. And Jane Austen's isn't easy to get into, I'm not sure there will be a spot for Harry next year.”

“Oh, don't be ridiculous.” Petunia's grin was chilling. “There are alternative ways to secure a spot. My dear Dudley could have passed the aptitude test with flying colors, but Lils insisted that it wasn't necessary and... did what she had to do. I'm sure she would do the same for you.”

“Tuney,” warned Lily in between grinned teeth.

“Oh, come on, Lils. You've always been... above the rules.” Petunia shot a smile to her petrified sister. A cruel smile that sent chills down James' spine. Clearly their relationship was more complex than it appeared to the naked eye.

He would have pitied Lily, had he not been so angry.

And she knew it. Given the way she looked at him, the look on her face, the '_I'm so sorry_' look, the '_Let me explain_' look, she knew exactly what he was thinking.

And he knew he didn't want to hear her explanation. He didn't want to hear a half-assed excuse. He wanted to leave.

“Enjoy shopping,” he said, and although he had tried to sound sincere, the words dripped with sarcasm. “I'm going to get this one home before he tries to run away again.” He gave Harry a little shake that sent the little boy into another fit of laughter.

James walked away with his heart in his throat. He didn't ever want to see Lily Evans again.

No. That simply was not true.

He wanted to see her everyday for the rest of his life. It hurt to admit to himself, but no matter how humiliated he felt, he could not seem to let go of her. Her perfume had sunk too deep into his soul.

Funny how he always seemed to get attached to the things that caused him the most pain. Like hot sauce or salt and vinegar chips. That was such a weirdly human reflex.

James crossed the parking lot with Harry still laughing on his shoulder, and took a couple seconds to fasten him into his car seat.

“Wait! James, wait!”

Her voice was like a gut punch but James ignored it. He went around the car, wondering if he would have enough time to drive away before she reached him.

He didn't.

“James, please.” The accent of desperation in her voice was so strong that James froze.

He tried to be strong. He wasn't. He turned around.

The look on her face almost broke him. James tried to wipe every ounce of anger from his face, because he didn't want to be so transparent, and he didn't want her to feel guilty, because it was nothing, really.

They didn't know each other, they owed nothing to one another. She had been dishonest, but why did it matter to him, really? It didn't. He tried to convince himself it didn't.

“I'm so sorry,” said Lily. She closed her eyes while she searched for her words and James was tempted to just get in the car and drive away. He knew that the more he stayed, the more his heart opened, and the easier it would be for her to hurt him.

But he didn't move. He waited for her to find the right words, because no matter what he told himself, he wanted to hear what she had to say. He wanted an explanation.

“I'm sorry that I lied,” she said finally. “I did break the rules once, for Dudley. It was a mistake and I really regret it. That's why I lied to you, but... I didn't mean to hurt you.”

James shook his head.

“I thought we were...”

“What?” Lily interrupted. “Friends? We don't know each other, James!”

“Not friends.” James shook his head. “And no, we don't know each other, but I was still dumb enough to think you cared. About my son.”

“I do! And trust me, I hate this elitist shit, it's so wrong. All kids should be equal when it comes to education, whether they are gifted or not!”

James made a mental note to look up the meaning of the word 'elitist' later.

“I'm sorry that I lied, okay?” Lily repeated. “I realize now that I shouldn't have.”

“That's not what I'm mad about.” James shook his head again and made sure to lower his voice so Harry, looking at them from inside the car, wouldn't hear him. “I'm mad, because you just sat there and lectured me about integrity and you made me feel like I was the worst father in the world! You're such a hypocrite! And I don't care that you got your nephew in, honestly, good for him. I never would have asked you to lie for me or for Harry, or do anything that might cost you your job, because you don't know me. So really, I don't care that you lied for Dudley but not for Harry. What I'm mad about is the fucking lecture. It was so unnecessary and so hurtful. And so incredibly hypocritical.”

Lily lowered her head and bit her bottom lip. She looked genuinely apologetic, but James couldn't stop there.

“Because, integrity?” he continued. “Integrity, you know, the thing you taught me all about? Well, turns out you don't have a lot of it.”

She looked up at him and crunched up her nose nervously. James tried not to notice how it made his heart jump. He tried not to notice how her eyes were the same green than the oak tree at the park. He tried not to fall helplessly in love.

Before he knew it, her eyes were full of tears. She looked away and blinked to hide them but James closed the distance in between them and stuttered an apology.

“Why... why are you crying? I'm really sorry, I didn't mean to raise my voice.”

“No, it's... it's not you.” She waved a dismissive hand. “It's all my fault, really. It's just... Malfoy knows what I did for Dudley. He and his ex-wife are both on the school board. And he... he promised not to tell if...” She interrupted and drew a deep breath in to cool down. “I can't afford to lose my job, James.”

“What does he want from you?” All anger had left James. In a second, it had been replaced by overwhelming guilt. He shouldn't have said all these things to her. She was only trying to protect herself and she was clearly terrified. “Is he blackmailing you?”

She wiped the corner of her eyes with her palms and nodded slowly.

“Yeah, I guess you could call it that.”

“What is he asking from you?”

They were talking so quietly, in that space in between cars, and there was so little distance between them, yet Lily looked left and right as if she was afraid someone might overhear them.

“Not here,” she said. “Can you meet me at the park?”

James did not hesitate a second.

“Of course. Harry needs to get his wiggles out anyway.”

Lily smiled at him, and this time James couldn't deny what it did to him. It turned his world upside down. It gave meaning to everything. It brought light to the darkest corners of his mind.

“See you in ten.” She walked away, and James' gaze lingered on her back for perhaps a little longer than it should. She had him in the palm of her hand.

And no, he didn't know her. But there was nothing he wouldn't do for her.

He met her under the great oak tree.

She was already sat on the bench when he arrived, and when she looked up at him, she was so beautiful, so enchanting, that James forgot how to breathe again.

It happened often when she was around. He couldn't pretend he didn't like it. He loved it, really.

“Hi,” he said.

“Hi.”

“Sorry, I'm late. Harry actually wanted to go play at his uncle's flat, so I dropped him off there.”

“With your brother Sirius?”

“Yeah. How'd you know? Did I tell you about him?”

“Briefly.” Lily smiled. “Earlier at the mall.”

James ruffled up his hair awkwardly as he remembered the disastrous interaction with Lily's sister.

“Oh. Yeah. See, I chose to forget everything about that moment.”

“What a shame.” Lily turned on the bench to face James. Her knees brushed against his and he tried not to flinch. “See, I thought it was quite adorable the way you... tried to stand up to Petunia. She likes to make people squirm. Most of my friends just ignore her.”

James let out a small breath.

“Well,” he said. “I'm not your friend, am I?” He had tried not to sound too bitter, but failed quite miserably.

“I'm sorry I said that,” said Lily. She was looking straight at him, trying to get him to look at her in the eyes. “You are. Or rather, you're becoming one. You're a good guy, James Potter.”

“Thank you, Evans.”

She had said it. Everything he wanted her to say. So why did he feel like it was not enough? That they were missing something? Something beautiful, unsaid and grand, something that was always there, in between them, underneath the branches of the great oak tree?

From the way Lily's eyebrows furrowed slightly, and the way she averted her gaze, James could tell she felt it too. There was more to them.

“So,” he said, to defuse the tension which had built up like a thunderstorm. “Tell me everything.”

She did.

As the night fell on the both of them and on the silent park, she told him about the power plays, the mess of extortion, blackmailing, bribery, and corruption that was the school board. She told him about the headmistress and her disgusting habit of favoring the richer, smarter, whiter kids.

She told him Lucius Malfoy expected nothing less than five thousand dollars if she wanted to keep her job.

“And James, I don't have that kind of money.”

“But I do.” The words had escaped his lips before he even knew he wanted to say them. Lily titled her head in confusion.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean I can lend you the money. It could secure you your job while the police investigates. And I'll get my money back as soon as this whole thing is sorted out.”

Lily smiled, but it felt forced.

“It's very kind, James, but... the police can't just... start an investigation. And I can't just press charges against Malfoy since I was in the wrong in the first place. I broke the school rules.”

She tucked a strand of her hair behind her ear. Her skin looked so pale under the moonlight and she looked so tired.

“Evans, you broke school rules. Malfoy broke the law. There's a world of difference here. You can't be prosecuted because you decided to give a kid a chance, whereas extortion can carry up to a 20 year prison sentence. Lucius Malfoy won't mess with you again, I can promise you that.”

“But... even then.” Lily shook her head. “These things drag on. The police won't do anything about a corrupt school board just because I tell them to investigate.”

“No,” admitted James. “They will look into it because I'll tell them to.”

Lily blinked in confusion once again.

“I'm the city commissioner, Evans.”

“You're... You're what?”

“The chief of police if you want. Currently on a long ass parental leave, but the title is still mine.”

“But...”

Lily seemed to have trouble finding her words, so James propped up his elbow on the back of the bench and rested his head against his hand while he looked at her.

“But you're so young,” she said finally.

“What can I say? I work hard.”

Lily arched a perfect eyebrow and James felt necessary to explain himself further.

“I helped dismantle a network of corrupted, dirty cops who were not being held accountable for their actions. They put me in charge after that, and I've... taken some measures. Like now, cops in this city have to go through the same training as lawyers do. Can't enforce the law if you don't know it first.”

“Oh, I read about this in the papers!” Lily exclaimed, excitedly slamming her hand down on her knee as if she was buzzing the button of some imaginary game show. “This was you?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Why didn't you tell me that before?”

“I don't usually lead with that. '_Hello, I'm James, you must know me, I reformed our law enforcement system_'. Sounds a little nerdy to me.”

Lily shook her head like a dog would shake the water out of its hair, eyes as wide as saucers. She had never appeared more beautiful to James.

“Wait, you mean you went to law school as well?”

“Well, yeah.”

There was a quiet pause before Lily's heavenly laugh burst through the night. It must have been the most divine sound in the world and James couldn't help but laugh with her.

“I'm not gonna lie, it's quite nerdy,” she said finally.

And dear God. The way she looked at him. Her eyes held the intensity of a forest fire and James burned with the same flame.

They were impossibly close. James could just lean in and kiss her if he wanted to. He wanted to.

The night was quiet and the park empty. Thousands of stars above their heads whispered promises they could not keep.

In that moment, on that bench, they were the only two people in the world.

“I have to go get Harry,” said James, although it was the opposite of what he wanted to say. He wanted to say '_I want to say here with you forever_'. He wanted to say '_I could love you if you let me_'.

But it had been an hour and a half since he had last seen his son and he simply couldn't bear his absence anymore.

“You miss him, don't you?” Lily could read him like an open book.

“More than I want to admit.”

“Then go,” she said. “I'll be here tomorrow after school.”

“Is that an invitation for me to join you?”

“I believe it is.”

Neither of them could hold back their smiles.

James got up and she imitated him. He walked her to her car, feeling like a teenager sneaking out after dark with a secret crush. Everything was new, forbidden and exciting.

When he watched her drive away, his heart was racing.

And this couldn't happen, he knew this couldn't happen. Except he couldn't help but feel like it already had. He was pulled to her in a way he couldn't resist.

It wasn't fate, or destiny. It was them.

There was something there, something he couldn't quite explain. A road so far unexplored. And once either of them took a step on it, there would be no going back.

When he sat down next to her the next day, they were both beaming. What they had to talk about wasn't joyous, far from it, but simply being reunited with her helped James breathed better.

And no, he didn't know her, not really. But he was falling in love with her.

“All right, Evans?”

“All right.” She squinted a bit when she looked at James, for the sun was shining bright above them. It was so weird being back here during daylight after last night. It was difficult to forget the stars and the quiet and the slight evening breeze, even then, as the excited laughs and screams of children filled the air.

“Where's Dudley?”

“With his mum. I only come here with him on Wednesdays.”

“We should organize a play date for him and Harry.” James tried to act nonchalant as he threw around the word 'we' and the word 'date', but he couldn't help his hand from rising, almost instinctively, and ruffling up his hair.

“Oh, trust me, we shouldn't. Dudley's... not the friendliest of kids. And I love him, don't get me wrong,” she added precipitately. “But I'm not sure he would get along with Harry.”

“Yeah, you're probably right,” James was forced to admit. “He seems like quite the handful.”

Lily scoffed.

“Tell me about it.”

James adjusted his position on the bench so he could look at her while keeping Harry in his line of sight.

“So, have you figured out what you want to do about Malfoy?” he asked.

“Yeah.” She took a shaky breath in before continuing. “I think we should do it.”

_We_. How beautiful was that word, in her voice.

“Okay,” he said, because he didn't know what else to say. “Let's do it.”

So they started elaborating on a plan.

Lily told him everything she knew about the school board, and James told her exactly how they should proceed.

She listened to him attentively, and despite the serious nature of their discussion, the shadow of a smile never left her lips. She tilted her head when she had a question, and her freckles bloomed in the sun. She bit down on her bottom lip when she was unsure about something, and her lipstick faded a little bit.

She was enchanting.

James often had to advert his gaze and pretend to search for Harry in the park, just so he could catch his breath and ease his hammering heart.

At times, it seemed Lily was perfectly aware of his uneasiness. James even suspected her to have made a game out of it.

She didn't bat her eyes at him, nor did she put her hand on his arm. She didn't flirt, at least not really, nor did she ever lean forward with intent.

But dear God. The way she smiled at him when he least expected it. How she kept watching him even when he looked away.

Surely, she knew what it did to him. She could play innocent all she wanted, but she knew.

Well, two could play at that game.

James inched closer to her and rested his arm on the back of the bench. Lifted his chin a little bit and angled his body just so his knees were merely inches away from hers.

Given the smile that illuminated her face, she understood that he was playing her game. And given how much he enjoyed it, that game would last a while.

Never once did the conversation derive from the original topic. James was professional, in his every word, and Lily was nothing but helpful in every answer she gave.

To anyone observing them from afar, their body language would betray nothing. They were two acquaintances having a polite conversation.

The game was elsewhere. Made entirely of smiles, looks and subtlety.

It was a special game, with no real rules and no other players than them, the sun, the bench, and the great oak tree.

“Are we all set then?” James asked, after he was done explaining everything. “Do you know what you have to do?”

“We are,” Lily replied. “And I do.”

James could find nothing more to say, but he didn't want to look away from her, not yet. He knew he couldn't win the game, she was far too good and he was far too smitten. But he didn't want to lose.

So he was left staring at her for perhaps a little while too long. He wouldn't complain about it. She was breathtaking.

He noticed things he had not noticed yet, which he thought was impossible. Like the way her eyelashes curled, or how there was a freckle a little darker than the rest on her right cheek.

When she stopped smiling, he stopped breathing. She looked away first.

Why didn't it feel like a victory?

“See you tonight, James,” she said as she got up. Her eyes lingered on James before she walked away.

It didn't feel like a victory because the game wasn't over.

Later that night, James parked at the address she had typed into his phone, in a narrow parking spot in a narrow street. He checked twice that he was in the right place.

There were empty beer bottles on the sidewalk and spray-painted graffiti on all the walls. Loud music played from a lit up floor of one of the gray buildings surrounding the parking lot, and the glass of the windows vibrated with the bass.

This was not where he had imagined Lily Evans to live.

He was about to text her he had arrived, when he realized he didn't have her number. He had been too caught up in their game to ask.

The street was so dark he didn't see her approaching and was almost taken by surprise when she opened the car door and sat next to him.

“Do you... live here?” Maybe that was why the insensitive question got past his lips, because he didn't have time to think of a better, proper way to greet her.

“Teachers don't get paid a lot, James,” she said as she fastened her seat-belt. “Or at least we get paid less than city commissioners.”

“Sorry, I didn't mean to sound judgy. It's just... I didn't picture you in that part of town.”

Lily shrugged and James took it as a sign to drop the subject. He started the car and drove away, following Lily's directions.

“You know it's silly,” she said as they left the block. “I was about to text you and ask you where you were and then I realized I didn't have your number.”

James smiled to himself. They were too in synch for their own good.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket without looking away from the road and handed it to Lily.

“Put your number in there.” He tried to wipe the smile from his face but was unsuccessful. He didn't to look _too_ happy about having her number. Their relationship was almost strictly professional after all. “It could be useful for the rest of the investigation.”

From the corner of his eye, James could see Lily trying not to smile as she looked down at his phone. He wished he wasn't driving so he could watch her without the fear of crashing.

“It's locked,” she said after a second.

“Oh yeah, code's 0731. It's Harry's birthday.”

Lily made a little non-committal noise as she typed it in.

“What?”

“You shouldn't give strangers the power to unlock your phone, you know?”

James shrugged his indifference.

“What could a stranger like you possibly do with an unlimited access to my personal phone?”

“Judge the picture you set as your wallpaper,” answered Lily, deadpan, holding it up so James could see it too. “I recognize Harry with the red nose and the antlers, but who are these other people?”

James glanced sideways to look at the picture and laughed as he focused his attention back on the road.

“This was taken on Halloween night. The man on the left with the long black hair and the dog ears is my brother Sirius. On Harry's right is Remus, Sirius' husband, who I think was supposed to be a werewolf, and the little man in the back wearing a Mickey Mouse costume is Peter. They're my best friends.”

“You don't look like your brother at all,” said Lily, bringing the phone closer to her face to examine the details.

“He's the handsome one, I'm the smart one.”

“Don't try to trick me into complimenting you, it's not going to work.”

James grinned at the road and reveled in the few seconds of blissful silence that had filled the car. Then he chose to explain, because he couldn't willingly keep her in the dark.

“He doesn't look like me because he isn't my biological brother. We've been best friends since we were kids, and when his parents kicked him out my parents took him in. But he was a part of the family long before that.”

Lily stayed silent for a little while, still looking down at the phone in her hands.

“It's... really awesome, what your parents did,” she said finally. “I'm glad Sirius had you. He looks really happy now.”

“He is. He has a great job, a great marriage, and the best godson of them all,” said James, tilting his head to the back of the car.

Surprised, Lily whipped around to see Harry, asleep in the back seat and drooling on his blanket.

“You brought your kid on a stake out?” she whispered loudly, turning back to James.

“My babysitter's out of town, I couldn't just leave him alone!” he answered “And this isn't a stake out, because this isn't an official police investigation yet.”

“What about Sirius, couldn't he watch Harry?”

“He works nights. But don't worry, Harry's used to sleeping in the car, he sleeps more in that seat that in his own bed.”

“Is that good for him?” Lily frowned as she looked back at the sleeping boy. “Shouldn't he have a neck pillow or something? His position looks really uncomfortable.”

“He's four, he can't feel pain.”

Lily blinked at him and James blinked back. Blank stares were their preferred method of communication.

“I wouldn't have brought him if I thought there was even the littlest possibility of danger, trust me,” said James, suddenly serious.

Tension visibly melted away from Lily's shoulders.

“Yeah, I know,” she said. “Oh, and it's the next exit on your right.”

“Knockturn Alley?” James read from the sign. “That's where we're meeting him?”

“Where _I_ am meeting him. And yeah, I thought it was a cool street name and I wanted to spice up your report.”

James blinked at her and she blinked back.

He parked the car behind a large, upside down dumpster and turned off the engine, and with it, all the car lights.

Only the small rectangle of light in Lily's hands allowed them to see inside the vehicle. James leaned back against the car door and watched the way the blue light hit her freckled face.

“What are you still doing with my phone?”

“I'm typing in my number.”

“You had the whole car ride to do that.”

“I was distracted, it's not my fault. You distracted me.”

“Just admit you're hacking it and go.”

“Yeah, you caught me, I've hacked into the city commissioner's bank account and I am emptying it, while he's sitting right next to me.”

“That's bold of you.”

“I make bold moves.”

_I wish you would_, James thought. He could never say it out loud of course, and the thought in itself was silly. The bold move was his to make.

“Here you go.” Lily smiled as she handed him back his phone.

It was so dark in the car James' fingers brushed against hers as he took it from her.

To give himself something to do, to keep himself from thinking too much and too loud, he unlocked his phone and scrolled through the contacts.

“I'll text you so you have my number.”

“One step ahead of you,” said Lily, as her phone binged with the text she had sent herself.

James didn't look up, still scrolling through his list of contacts.

“I can't find... Oh, there you are. 'Detective Evans', huh?”

“At your service.”

James locked his phone and they found themselves swallowed by darkness.

“I'm blinking at you so hard right now.”

“I wish I could see it.” Her smile had sunk so deep into each of her words that it was completely perceptible, even in the dark, and James' heart swelled.

Why did it feel so natural? To be with her in a car, in the dead of night, with his sleeping child in the back seat?

He should have been anxious, or at least a little nervous about what they had planned to do. But he wasn't, because she was here with him, making him laugh. And that filled him with a feeling he couldn't quite describe.

He only knew that it made him want to dance in his seat, to laugh out loud and to shout at the stars. And from the way her voice sounded, a little high and a lot happy, James could tell she felt the same thing.

“When is he supposed to arrive?” he asked, to get his mind of it, because he couldn't think like that and he shouldn't think like that.

“He should be here in ten minutes.”

James took a deep breath in and focused. He couldn't allow himself to get distracted. Yes, Lily was pretty, and yes, she was funny, and yes, she was smart and kept him on his toes, and yes, he desperately, desperately wanted to kiss her, but that didn't mean he couldn't be a professional about this.

“If at any point, for any reason, you feel unsafe, call out for me.”

“You think it might not be safe?” James could tell, even without seeing her, that she had raised her eyebrow questioningly. Could strangers tell these things about each other? Or were they a special type of strangers, the type that is bound to get to know each other better, grow closer?

In that moment, James couldn't help but think that their life paths were linked. Perhaps more intricately than he had initially thought.

“I looked up the guy,” he answered. “There is approximately zero risks. He's an idiot, all talk and no game. But you know. Just in case.”

There was a pause in which neither of them said anything.

But James had to be professional. He couldn't let his heartbeat be the only sound in the car. He had to speak. Professionally.

“Take the envelope in the glove box. Put it in your back pocket and only take it out once you're facing him.”

There was a rustling sound and Lily turned on the light of her phone to see what she was doing. If she was nervous she didn't look it.

She took the envelope and weighed it in her hand.

“It's heavy.”

“Well, it's a lot of money.”

Her eyes darkened before she turned the light off. James waited for her to speak.

“James...” she started. “Are you sure you're going to get that money back?”

“Positive.” He tried to sound as confident as he felt. “And if for some reason I didn't, it would be my own fault, because I wouldn't have done my job correctly.”

There was another pause. Filled with silence and all the things they wouldn't say to each other.

“James?”

“Yeah?”

“Thank you for helping me.”

These words could only be spoken in the dark. Their vulnerability and their strength were made more powerful by it, more real, more true. They hit James like a gut punch.

“You're welcome, Evans.”

He meant it.

When Malfoy's car appeared at the other end of the alley, and when he got out and leaned against it, his hands in his pocket and his blond hair hidden by the dark hood of a long black coat, James and Lily were ready.

“Good luck, Detective Evans,” he whispered to her as she slid out the car.

She didn't answer but James didn't mind.

Only Malfoy's end of the alley was lit up, so there was no way he would see James' car, hidden as it was in the shadow of that giant dumpster. Still, James made himself small in the front seat and grabbed his camera from the glove box.

He watched Lily walk up to Malfoy. Immediately, he knew there would be a problem.

The hood masked Malfoy's face. And James needed a clear shot.

It seemed Lily had identified the same problem, as she was wringing her hands nervously behind her back.

James drew a deep breath in. Out. He should have volunteered to go instead of her. She would have never agreed, but after a little arguing maybe he could have convinced her.

Although he knew it was perfectly safe, watching her walk up to a stranger in an empty alley was nerve-wracking. And if he couldn't get the shot, pointless.

Lily would have to figure out a way for Malfoy to remove the hood, without being too obvious.

James turned on the camera and made sure the flash was off. He had made the mistake of leaving it on too many times.

Outside, Lily had stopped in front of Malfoy. They were talking.

James squinted and adjusted his glasses on his nose, but eventually had to face the fact that he was too far away to hope to read their lips.

He could see Lily smile though. That would have been impossible to miss.

She was playing her game. A game much less subtle than the one she played with James, but her game nonetheless.

She took a small step that brought her closer to Malfoy and laid a featherlight hand on the man's arm. James' stomach tightened. He tried to ignore it and started snapping pictures. Perhaps in one of them Malfoy's face would be apparent.

He could always try.

Lily laughed, and it bounced on the walls all the way to James. He tried hard not to hear it.

He didn't know her well enough to be able to tell if her smiles and laughter were fake. They were strangers after all. He had met her three weeks ago, but only had seen her on four separate occasions.

They could play all the games they wanted, and they could have this thing between them, this bound James didn't quite know how to name, but it didn't change the fact that they did not know each other.

And if that laugh was fake, then she was a damn good actress.

James snapped another picture. Tried not to marvel at the way the street light hit Lily's face, how it lit up her hair, how it made her the brightest thing in the city. In the world perhaps.

Lily took another step to brought her closer to Malfoy, and James watched as she raised her hand and pushed back the man's hood. His face was perfectly visible now. Finally.

James had trouble pushing the button of his camera. His fingers were shaking for some reason. It had nothing to do with the fact that Lily's hand was now on Malfoy's cheek, and that her thumb ran along his jawline delicately. It had nothing to do with that at all.

Finally, Lily reached into her back pocket and took out the envelope. Malfoy grabbed it from her hungrily, and looked at the contents before sliding it inside his coat. James didn't miss a second of it. He would have to sort through the pictures later, because there had to be about a hundred too many, but they got what they were looking for.

Lily took a step back and James exhaled. He had been holding his breath for longer than he had realized. His heart was racing. And it had nothing to do with his police work.

Lily walked away from Lucius, and stood on the other side of the street, leaning against the wall until he drove away.

Only when his car lights turned the corner, did she walk back to James' car.

When she opened the door and slid in the passenger seat, James blinked at her.

“What was that?”

“What was what?”

“That!” He gestured towards the place Malfoy and her had been standing. “I thought this was a blackmailing situation! Why were you laughing so much? Why was your hand on his face?”

“I had to make him take off the hood, what would you have done if you had been in my place?”

“I don't know!” James threw his hand in the air in an exasperated gesture. “Not that!”

“Daddy?”

At the sweet voice that rose from the back of the car, James melted instantly and his sharp tone deserted his voice for good.

“Oh, Harry baby, I'm so sorry we woke you up,” he said, as softly as he could. “Where's Pads?”

“I don't know,” said Harry sleepily. There was dried drool on his chin and James couldn't help a smile.

“Pads is his lovey,” said James to answer Lily's questioningly look. “Black dog with an ear missing. Can you see it anywhere?”

He started the car to have a little help from the headlights.

“Yeah,” answered Lily, and she turned to reach the back seat, leaning on James' seat, with her hand uncomfortably close to his shoulder. “Is that it?” She sat back up and help up the lovey for James to see.

It was missing an ear and an eye, and the legs had been so chewed up they looked like soggy black noddles. It clearly had been pulled, stretched, bitten and drooled on, and you could clearly see James' desperate attempts at fixing it up. He didn't know how to sew and white threads covered the dog's scalp like a scar, where he had tried to reattach the ear.

“I think I need to call some sort of animal protection society,” said Lily, eyebrows furrowed.

“Please don't.” James joined his hands and shot her a pleading look. “They would take him away, and he's so dear to Harry's heart. It was a gift from Sirius.”

“Yeah, I figured. Does he had a thing for dogs?”

“Who Sirius? More than you know.”

By the time Lily put the lovey back on Harry's blanket, the little boy had already fallen back asleep.

“Sorry I raised my voice earlier,” James said quietly. “I...”

“Forget it,” Lily interrupted. “It's fine. It wasn't my brightest idea.”

James nodded his approval and started driving.

“Anyway, I got the shots. I'll drop them by the station tomorrow morning, and I might ask you to stop by in the afternoon for a deposition.”

“That's it then, huh?”

“Yep. Detective Evans, this investigation is now officially open, and you are now officially my informant.” James felt a pinch of sadness as he pronounced the words. He wasn't quite sure why. Or rather, he didn't want to admit he knew exactly why.

Several times, he saw Lily looking up at the rear-view mirror to check on Harry. He wasn't sure how to tell her to stop, that it invited a warm, traitorous feeling in his chest, that it made him want to kiss her.

She was kind, and he hated that.

Why couldn't she be an awful person? Shallow and mean, with a high opinion of herself? Beautiful people were never that thoughtful.

He wished he could just hate her and everything would be much more simple. He wished they could just be friends and that his heart would stop beating so loud every time she was around.

He wished they could just be strangers, meeting once a week at the park, on a bench. Uncomplicated. Without this tangled mess of feelings he couldn't quite seem to work through.

He drove back to her place in silence, careful not to wake up Harry again.

When James parked under her building, he got out of the car with her.

“You think it's safe to walk up alone?”

“I live here, James. I do it everyday.”

“Yeah, it's just... it's dark, that's all.”

“Yeah, that's what happens at night time. It gets dark.”

James shook his head and went around the car to face her. There was a lot of things he wanted to say but wasn't sure how to phrase.

It didn't happen to him often. It was her, she did that to him, he lost his words all the time when she was near.

“Back in the alley...” he started.

Lily's confused head tilt was the most beautiful thing to ever have been grazed by the light of those street lamps.

“Back in the alley,” James continued. “Was the flirting really just a way to get a clearer shot of his face? Or is there something else? Between the two of you.”

He held his breath while she blinked at him.

“Do you think I like him?” she asked. “Malfoy? The guy who's blackmailing me?”

James lowered his head shamefully in place of a confession.

“Sometimes you're really smart, but sometimes you're the biggest idiot I've ever met,” Lily continued. “I could never like a guy like that.”

“A blond?” James joked to hide his discomfort.

“Yeah.” Lily nodded seriously and scrunched up her nose in faked disgust. “Besides, his hair is much too tidy and he doesn't wear glasses.”

James ruffled up his hair self-consciously. Tried not to understand what she was saying. Smiled when he did.

“Yeah, what a loser. Have you seen that car he drives? What was that, a Tesla?

“Lame.” Lily rolled her eyes and leaned against James' car. “Can't beat a dad's minivan.”

“Are you making fun of my minivan?”

“I would never dare.” She was too serious all of a sudden. She was looking at him too intensely and her words were tainted with too much truth. This wasn't a game.

This was reality and they were trapped inside it.

And they were standing much to close to each other. Without knowing it, without even thinking about it, comfortably, naturally, James had closed the gap in between them.

It was only then that he noticed their height difference. It was the last thing he should be thinking about, but he couldn't wrap his head around the fact that he only saw it now.

Lily was so small. She had to tilt her head back to look at him.

James internally cursed the circumstances. Why was the night so warm, why were there no one around? Why was the moment so perfect? It shouldn't be.

And his heart, his poor heart, wouldn't survive it.

It wouldn't survive Lily's hands, so fresh on his burning ribcage. It wouldn't survive the way she stood on her tip toes, to lift herself closer to him. It wouldn't survive her breath tickling his lips.

When he bent down to kiss her, he knew he wouldn't survive it. When she kissed him back, he knew he had died and that this was heaven, because dear God nothing on earth could compare to this.

They were alone somewhere between the ground and the stars.

When Lily pulled away, James died a second time.

“We can't,” she said, keeping their foreheads pressed together, and her hands on James' jaw. “It's unethical.”

“I don't know what it means.”

“Of course you do,” she whispered.

“I want to pretend that I don't.”

Because of course he knew what it meant.

Lily was the key witness in his investigation and if everything went well, she could become Harry's teacher. It _was _unethical.

Nothing could ever happen between them. James knew it. And he so desperately wanted to ignore it.

“This cannot happen again,” said Lily softly. James didn't know if she was speaking more to him or to herself.

“I know,” he said, and it was tearing him apart, but he knew, he knew. “Goodnight, Evans.”

He stepped back and Lily went around him, before turning around with an inquisitive look on her face.

“You can call me Lily, you know.” 

“I would never dare.” The words came out as whispers.

There was just something about the night sky. How it was so immense and so blue. So infinite. How it seemed to swallow all sounds.

Lily's footsteps were quiet as she walked away.

**Detective Evans**: Sorry about tonight

**James Potter**: nothing to be sorry about

**James Potter**: for what its worth i enjoyed it a lot

**Detective Evans**: *It's

**James Potter**: autocorrect

**Detective Evans**: If your autocorrect was on, there would be capital letters at the beginning of your sentences

**James Potter**: u got me there. maybe you are a real detective

**Detective Evans**: Wouldn't you like to know

When James got up the next morning, his heart was commonly light. When Harry threw his breakfast on the floor and tried to dance on it, James laughed and was incapable to pretend to be mad.

When he dropped by the station, there was a smile on his lips the entire time it took him to fill up the report. His coffee was too hot and the office too crowded, but nothing could bring down his mood.

When he arrived at the park, it was much too early, and no one was sitting on the bench by the oak tree. James watched Harry play on the slide and filled up more paperwork. He wasn't supposed to bring those documents out of the station, but the day was much too sunny to stay indoors.

He was happy. Happier than he had been in a long time.

And he tried to tell himself that it had nothing to do with Lily, nothing at all. But he couldn't lie to himself.

And he knew too well that the kiss had been a mistake, that they would never do it again, and James was fine with that, he really was. It was enough for him. More than enough.

It had turned his world upside down. She had came into his life and wrecked it in the best way possible, and although she could decide to leave at any moment, James was content simply having the pleasure of knowing her. That beautiful redheaded stranger.

No. He wouldn't know the flavor of a stranger's lip balm. A stranger wouldn't text him at three in the morning to apologize about their kiss. 

Lily and him were no longer strangers. Not really friends. One could saw they worked together, but they were not colleagues. They knew each other, in more ways than one. But they had only just met.

There were no words that could describe them or their relationship.

There were no words to describe the bound that they had formed, almost instantly, and that felt strong enough to survive just about anything.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

Lily sat down next to him and James saw her look around for Harry.

“By the swings.”

“Oh yeah, I see him. Did he pick this outfit himself?”

“Yup. He seemed to have a really good feeling about that denim and plaid combo. I didn't have the heart to tell him no.”

“He's a very stylish young man.”

“I know, I'm raising a fashion icon. If you need any help getting dressed one day, don't hesitate to call me. I mean, him.”

Lily gave James a little tap on the arm, shaking her head in disbelief and pursing her lips. Even though her mouth was flat, her eyes were smiling and her dimple had appeared on the side of her cheek.

“You did that on purpose,” she said, pointing an accusatory finger at him.

“I would never dare.” James held up his palms innocently.

She blinked at him. He blinked back. He loved this new game.

The blinking game.

Their blinks were always charged with meaning and always meant a little bit of everything. '_I don't even know what to say to you right now_', or '_I'm exasperated and you're exhausting_', or even '_I'm just a little bit in love with you'_. 

Often it was all of that at once. 

Often it meant '_I think you are my soulmate_'.

It meant things they were not brave enough to say out loud, things that would be made too real if spoken.

They remained silent for a while, just watching Harry play and laugh and fall and get back up. It felt so peaceful, so natural, so perfect.

Lily's hand was resting on the white wood of the bench, just next to James' knee. If he wanted to, he could just take it and hold it. He wanted to.

But he knew she would murder him on the spot if he attempt anything like this, so he held back.

“So, what happens now?” said Lily, turning to him.

It took James a few seconds to realize she was talking about the investigation, and not them. Their kiss.

“We wait,” he said, and he had to clear his throat before he continued. “That's all we can do. I've put all of my best men on the case, so it shouldn't take long. In the meantime, you just focus on teaching and I'll... focus on raising my son.”

“That's it?”

James nodded.

“That's it. If the guys need more information they'll go through me and I'll contact you. I didn't want to give them your number, because I didn't know if you were comfortable with that.”

And James wanted every chance he could get to talk to Lily and meet up with her, so it made for a convenient excuse.

Lily didn't answer and they remained silent as they watched the children play. James tried not to think about her hand, so close to his. In sight but out of reach. He tried not to think about the perfume that wafted from her hair, apples and cinnamon, intoxicating his mind and his every thought, how he so desperately wanted to grab it and hold it and live in it forever, how it kept slipping in between his fingertips.

She was beautiful and she was ephemeral. No one ever stayed in James' life for very long. Only his best friends had stuck by him, the rest came and went.

She would go too one day and he would never see her again. 

He tried not to think about that either.

“James?” Her voice broke the glass prison James was building around himself. His fears shattered when she talked to him, when she looked at him. He felt quite invincible.

“Yeah?”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“I think you just did.”

Lily stared at him blankly and James blinked at her. '_Thank you for making me feel like I'm not alone_'.

“I mean a personal question,” she continued. “Which you don't have to answer if you don't want to.”

“Go ahead.”

James hid behind a confident facade but he knew what was coming. That question was inevitable. He could never seem to escape it.

“What happened with Harry's mom?”

James focused his attention back on the park. He couldn't look at Lily when she was watching him like this, like she really cared about his answer.

“She left me,” he said, and his voice didn't waver. “She left _us_. When Harry was about two months old, maybe less.”

“I'm sorry,” Lily whispered.

“Don't be.” James waved a dismissive hand. “It wasn't meant to be. And she wasn't meant to be a mother. Ultimately, her leaving was what was best for Harry.”

“Were you in love?” The question was quiet and James wouldn't have heard it if he hadn't paid attention. He turned his head back to Lily, who looked down at her hands.

“No.”

It was hard not to see the breath of relief that came out of Lily. Especially since James was waiting for it. Hoping for it.

“No, I wasn't in love,” he continued. “I wish I had been. Maybe then, things would have been different. But I doubt it.”

“How so?”

“It was a one night-stand,” James admitted. “I was young and stupid and I used to think the world revolved around me. I thought I was some big-shot athlete because I played football in college. Having a kid... well, it put everything in perspective. I realized I was going down a dangerous path. And now I know how misguided I was, how dumb. The world doesn't revolve around me. It does around him.” James nodded towards Harry, the giggling little boy who lit up his nights and days. “I don't know who I would be if it wasn't for him. He's... the best thing that ever happened to me, and quite possibly to the world. A miracle, sort of. Harry's mom... she didn't see it like that, and I don't blame her. She wanted a career and she felt she couldn't do that with a baby on her hip. She made the right choice leaving him to me. I doubt she'll ever come back for him.”

He hadn't talked so much about her for years. Even to Sirius.

It brought back memories, the taste of beer, the smell of cigarettes, the sound of music blasting out of speakers and a hundred people all speaking at once. He used to love parties. His favorite place on earth used to be the center of attention. Now, it was a bench, in a park, under an oak tree.

“Why are you asking about her?” he said suddenly.

For a second, he thought Lily would ignore the question. That she would keep looking down at her hands and find a way to avoid answering. For a second, he forgot she was Lily Evans and that she never got scared.

“I was just wondering why you haven't found anyone else yet,” she said, and she shrugged in a failed attempt to conceal how much she really cared.

James smiled.

“Dating with a kid is hard,” he said. “Hell, raising a kid alone is hard enough without adding dating on top of it. I just never had the time before.”

“Before? Do you have the time now?”

“I'd be willing to make the time now.” 

He looked at her and she looked at him. They blinked at each other. A blink that meant '_God, if only things were different_'.

“Not that this has anything to do with me or that I'm interested in any way at all,” said Lily, with a shrug that was anything but disinterested.

“Sure.”

“I mean it.”

“I know.”

“Stop smiling then!”

“I can't.”

Lily rolled her eyes at him and he kept smiling at her until her facade cracked and she smiled back. Her eyes glimmered with possibilities. James was pretty certain she was endless.

“Are you happy now?” she said after a few seconds. “Raising Harry on your own?”

James took a few seconds to think about his answer.

“Harry's the best son I could have ever asked for,” he said after a while.

“That's not what I asked.”

“I know, let me finish.”

Lily blinked at him. '_Sorry, go ahead_'.

“Harry's the best son I could have ever asked for, and he makes me the happiest dad in the world. I regret none of the decisions that led me to him. Every day I spend with him is more beautiful and more fulfilling than the previous and he teaches me things I never knew I had to learn. He's the very best thing I've ever made, and every time he smiles, my heart could burst with pride because for four years now my only goal has been to made him happy.”

“But?”

“But I'm exhausted,” he said, as quietly as he could. Most days, he didn't dare admit it to himself. “It is so much work.”

Lily nodded encouragingly and James took it as a sign he should continue.

“I do wish I had help sometimes,” he admitted. “And I know I can just call my friends whenever I need, but... it's always when I need something specific, or when I have an emergency. They're not here everyday. They're not here when Harry refuses to eat, to take a nap, or to bathe. They're not here when he loses his lovey and when I spend hours moving heaven and earth to find it. When he won't fall asleep in his bed and demands to get in the car and I end up driving in circles around town at four in the morning. When he's sick, when he's tired, when he's angry. The small stuff, the everyday stuff, I do it all on my own, and... it's really hard sometimes.”

He had never said all this out loud. These thoughts kept him awake at night and he drowned them in the sound of the first tv show he could find. He turned up the volume, put the pillow over his head and closed his eyes.

Sometimes it wasn't enough. Sometimes he was suffocated by this thoughts, that grabbed him by the throat and told him he wasn't good enough, wasn't strong enough, that he didn't deserve to be a father if he couldn't do it alone.

Those nights were hard.

Speaking the thoughts out loud was harder.

“And it's not just that,” James continued, because no matter how hard it was, how could he stop there? “There's also the good, happy moments. When Harry said his first words, or when he took his firsts steps, it was just me. I was the only one there but I just kept looking over my shoulder, as if there was someone standing there that shared the moment with me. Being alone in the happy moments is just as sad as being alone in the hard moments.”

There was a tight knot in James' throat and before he even knew it, his eyes searched for Harry on the playground. Harry was the only one who would ever ease his heartache.

Harry, and Lily's featherlight hand on James' arm.

“You are a great dad, James.”

“You don't know that.”

“Actually, I do.” There was so much certainty in her voice, so much steadiness, that James turned to her. He wanted to see that determination in her face, he wanted to know she meant what she said.

“I know how much you care for him,” Lily continued, and her eyes told nothing but the truth. “I know how much you love him. I know you would do anything for him. Who cares if you can't get him to take a nap sometimes? At the end of the day, making Harry feel loved and cared for is the most important thing. And you do that. You do that every day.”

James' eyes were getting uncomfortably itchy for some reason. He had to blink and look away for a second, during which Lily was conveniently busy playing with the strap of her purse.

“Thank you,” he said after a while, and his voice was a little hoarse, but for once he didn't care. “You're a great friend, Evans.”

Lily shrugged.

“I see a lot of parents in my job. I can't pretend I understand what's like to be one, but I think I'm qualified enough to give a perspective from the outside. And honestly... none of the parents I see around the school are as involved as you are. Most dads don't know the name of their kids' lovey. Most moms wouldn't drive in circles around town in the middle of the night to lull their child to sleep. Most of the parents I see in Jane Austen's focus so much more on academic achievement than on personal growth, and... I don't know.” She shrugged again, as if to undermine the value of her words. “You're the first parent I've met who misses their kid after an hour of not seeing them. You spend your entire day with him, every single day of the week. Every week of the month.”

James scoffed.

“It's not really a choice. It's just that it would kill me if I didn't. Having Harry away from me is like trying to survive with my heart a mile away from my chest.”

Lily smiled knowingly.

“And that's why you tried to register him into a pre-school you knew he would never get in,” she said. “Because you're not ready for him to grow up and go to school, and you're not ready to start living without him, even if it's just for a few hours at a time.”

James shook his head. Vehemently at first, then slowly, as the realization crept in. It was true. And for some reason, Lily, this stranger who was no longer a stranger, knew him better than he knew himself.

He blinked. '_Maybe we are meant to be_'.

She blinked back.

“Harry's bound to grow up you know,” she continued. “That's pretty much how time works. You can't prevent it.”

“I can try,” he said quietly. But he didn't mean it, not really. He knew it was impossible. He knew one day, many birthday parties away, Harry would leave him. He would go off to college and leave behind an empty bedroom in a big apartment, and James would be all alone.

And no, he could not prevent that. But if he could hold on to every little moment with his son, if he could keep Harry at home, keep Harry with him, for eighteen short, short years, then maybe the pain of his departure would be worth it. Maybe.

Suddenly, a high-pitch scream of pain rose from the playground, and tore a hole through James' heart. Harry. Harry was hurt. Harry was in pain.

James should not be able to physically feel it. It defied all the laws of men and physics. He should not be able to feel Harry's pain, and he should not be capable to travel such a distance this fast. But he did.

When he knelt down next to Harry on the floor, it was with such an absolute abandon to gravity that the impact with the ground resounded in his every bone. He barely realized that Lily was kneeling right next to him, that she had run just as fast.

Harry had just fallen down, tripped on a barely visible hole in the ground. His knee was only grazed but his hand was bleeding. He had tried to catch himself but a sharp rock had dug into his skin.

He stopped crying as soon as James pulled him close. Harry wrapped his arms around his dad and nestled his face into his neck.

James carried him over to the bench as if he weighed nothing, and Lily followed him. She was a little white and her bottom lip was a little red from being chewed on, but the worry had left her eyes and she was now looking at James and Harry fondly.

“You'll be fine,” she said to Harry as she sat down next to them. “Give me your hand.”

Harry obeyed and held out his palm, while James took advantage of the distraction Lily offered to dig around in his backpack for antiseptic.

“See?” Lily continued to talk to Harry in the softest voice James had ever heard. “It's just a little blood and a little pain. It's okay to cry if you're hurt, it's the way your body uses to let go of the pain a little bit.”

She had taken out a gauze compress from her purse, faster than James could comprehend, and was cleaning Harry's cut delicately. Without saying a word, James handed her the antiseptic and wrapped his arms around his son.

“See this?” Lily continued, lightly brushing against Harry's palm with her fingertips. “That's your heart line. And this big one here is your head line. This curve right there means you are very brave and very kind. And this here means you will go to a great pre-school.”

While she talked, she had bandaged Harry's hand with a small dinosaur band aid that seemed to have appeared from nowhere. 

“Does it hurt?” she asked. 

“Not so much anymore.” Harry's voice was a bit strained, but it didn't waver when he talked to Lily. “I really like dinosaurs. Thank you.”

He slid off his dad's knees and ran back to the slide at full speed, as if nothing ever happened.

“Slow down!” James yelled. 

“Yes, daddy!” Harry yelled back, not slowing down at all.

“This kid is going to be the death of me.”

James' exaggerated sigh made Lily laugh. He looked at her, trying to conceal the admiration from his eyes. Seeing her and Harry interact together had been the very last thing he needed. The very last thing that could have sent him over the edge.

And he didn't want to fall any deeper, he didn't want to love her. But lately, it seemed at though it was inevitable. To know Lily Evans meant to love her. To cherish her and admire her. 

And James couldn't hide those feelings, no matter how hard he tried. He was a bad liar, they had already established that. 

“You're really good with kids,” he said finally.

“I'm a teacher, James.” Lily smiled. “It's my job. You'd do well to worry if I wasn't.”

He blinked. '_Shut up and stop making me fall in love with you_'.

She beamed at him and James' heart tightened. If she looked at him like that again, he might die from longing. He wanted her to look at him like that again. He wanted to be smothered by her gaze, by the certainty that when their eyes linked, they shared something.

He needed a distraction. Something that wouldn't leave his heart racing inside his chest.

“So,” he said finally, and he was amused by how weak his voice sounded. “You can read palms?”

“Yeah, my grandma was a witch.”

“I'm not sure I believe you. Although it would explain a few things.” 

“Well, give me your hand and let me prove it to you!”

Skeptical, James held out his palm and she took it gingerly, with a hand on either side. Immediately, James knew this was a mistake. Her fingers were too soft, and much too close to his pulse point.

James was propelled back in time to last night, when her hands, her small, soft, fresh hands had been on his sides, on his face, on his jaw.

Lily leaned over his palm to examine it more closely and loose strands of her hair tickled James' arm.

“Yeah, I knew it,” she said after a while. “It says you're a nerd.”

James took back his hand and rolled his eyes at her.

“Oh my God, I actually hate you.”

“No, you don't,” she answered with a smile.

“No, I don't.”

And there they were again.

Why couldn't there be more than thirty seconds between those moments? And how could those moments, those suspended in time moments, how could they be both precious and countless, both simple and life-saving? They quenched a thirst that couldn't quite be quenched. They fueled a fire whose flames already licked the sky.

James was tempted to get up and run. Maybe if he was fast enough, he could outrun those feelings he was so scared of. Maybe if he grabbed Harry and fled the country, he could perhaps one day forget about Lily.

This plan just lacked a tad bit of realism.

Perhaps there were more effective ways to get over someone. He would have to research it later, when Lily wouldn't be sat right next to him.

His phone buzzed a new text and when he took it out of his pocket and looked at it, it was a message from Lily.

“Why are you text...” he interrupted when he read the text.

**Detective Evans**: Don't turn around

“Why...”

**Detective Evans**: I'm pretty sure there is someone watching us.

James turned around. It took him a while to notice the man with long greasy black hair, standing still by a tree on the edge of the park.

His phone buzzed in between his fingers and he looked down to Lily's new text.

**Detective Evans**: He can't see us talk. Pretend you're on your phone.

**James Potter**: don't you think this is all a little dramatic

**Detective Evans**: Life is dramatic, James. Get with the time.

**James Potter**: i mean, dude is just standing there

**James Potter**: such a creep

**Detective**** Evans**: He's such a creep

**Detective**** Evans**: …

**James Potter**: hilarious

**James Potter**: remind me why he shouldn't see us talk? do you know the guy?

**Detective Evans**: He used to be a friend of mine. Very protective and overbearing. I'm scared of what he'll do if he finds out I have a friend like you. He can get angry

James tried not to let it get to his head. She had called him a friend. And not just any friend. '_A friend like you_'. What did she mean, a friend like him?

**Detective Evans**: Severus is harmless, but he seems to think we're meant to be together or something

**Detective Evans**: I catch him following me around sometimes.

“Do you need a restraining order?” James asked out loud. “I can get you one, you just need to give me proof he's an actual stalker.”

Lily threw a worried glance above her shoulder, then looked back at James.

“Don't,” she whispered in between grinned teeth. “Text me.”

“I won't,” he said. “You're not doing anything wrong by talking to your friend at the park. You shouldn't be afraid to do so. And if someone, for some reason, is scaring you enough that you won't, then there is a serious problem with this individual and I'll look into it myself.”

Lily took out her ponytail and let her hair fall in front of her face, fire made gold by the sun. James was entranced by the way sunlight danced through her hair and remained speechless for the better part of a minute.

“First Malfoy, then this guy...” James said after a while. “Evans, how many strange men obsessed with you are there?”

“Three, if we're counting you.”

He blinked at her. She smiled at the playground.

“I'm not obsessed with you,” he defended himself weakly, but it sounded like a lie even in his ears.

“I know,” she said, and she continued to smile without looking at him.

“No, see, you're saying that you know, but I feel like you don't actually know. I need you to really know I'm not obsessed with you, Evans.”

He was making it worse now, wasn't he?

“I know I'm on your bench, but I can leave at any time if you want me to.” He couldn't stop. He would keep digging this hole until he deemed it deep enough to be his grave. “I can put someone else in charge of the investigation at Jane Austen's if you want to.”

Lily laughed and turned to him.

“James, I was kidding,” she said, and she shot him the brightest smile James had ever seen. “I really like you.”

The words, even as simple as they were, had the effect of a storm in James' head. Everything he wanted to say, everything he had once thought, everything he had ever seen and felt and imagined, everything fell apart.

'_I really like you_'.

What did that even mean? Who was he to her, if not a stranger? Why did she say it? And more importantly, why did she say it like that, so easily, as if it was the most simple thing in the world, as if there wasn't a kid involved and the future of an entire school at stake?

As if James' heart wouldn't break if she were to ever take these words back?

“And anyway, Malfoy isn't obsessed with me, he just wants my money,” Lily continued, completely unaware of James' inner turmoil. “And the Severus thing is my fault, I think I just led him on.”

James shook his head slowly.

“A weird man following you around could never be your fault. He might need psychiatric help though. I'll see what I can do about that.”

Lily scoffed.

“You can really do everything you want, huh?”

“Not everything.” Perhaps he shouldn't have looked at her as he said that. But she didn't seem to mind.

She kept smiling as she watched Harry approach the bench.

“Daddy, I'm hungry.”

James scrambled for his watch. He still wasn't over what Lily had said and he would be lying if he didn't admit his brain had short-circuited, so his movements were a little more frantic than they ought to have been.

It was late. Past Harry's usual dinner time.

“I have to go,” said James, throwing his bag over his shoulder and grabbing Harry's hand. “Are you staying?”

“No, I'm gonna go as well,” said Lily, adjusted the strap of her purse on her shoulder.

“Can I walk you to your car?” James threw a discreet glance at the man still standing awkwardly behind a tree. Severus, Lily had called him. What a bizarre name. What a bizarre man.

“You may.”

They started walking towards the parking lot, and Harry, almost instinctively, reached for Lily's hand, so the two adults could walk by his side. He usually did this with James and Sirius when they walked together, and more than once they had been mistaken for a couple.

Two people, walking hand and hand with a little boy. A casual observer would have thought James and Lily to be a couple too. 

James' stomach was a hard rock and his throat a knot. He loved this. He loved that Harry felt comfortable with Lily, he loved that Lily didn't hesitate a single second before taking Harry's hand. He loved that they were all walking together, at the same slow pace to spare Harry's legs. He loved everything about the situation, but he was terrified.

About what it meant for him, and for his feelings who only seemed to grow stronger with time. And simple look to the right told him Severus was still there, watching them from the sidelines.

“Are you no longer worried about what he might do when seeing us together?”

“Not really.” Lily shrugged. “I was only trying to protect his feelings, but you're right. I'm doing nothing wrong. He's the one who's being a creep by spying on me, and if what he sees makes him angry, then it's his own fault. Just make sure he doesn't follow you home.”

They reached the parking lot, and James nodded and took another look at the man, who promptly disappeared behind the tree as soon as he saw him looking.

“And what if he follows _you_ home?”

“Then I'll call you.”

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

She let go of Harry's hand, got in her car, and James watched her drive away.

It was only when he helped Harry climb up into his car seat that James recognized the familiar feeling that gently tugged at his insides. It had been seconds and he missed her already.

James was woken up in the middle of the night by the buzzing sound of his phone on his bedside table.

**Detective Evans**: I'll take one of those restraining orders after all. 

James sat up in bed and grabbed his glasses off the night-stand. He could not have read that correctly. He blinked once, twice at the screen of his phone, then had to surrender to the evidence.

**James Potter**: did something happen?????

**Detective Evans**: Yeah, but I'm fine. I just want him out of my life for good.

There was no need for her to clarify who 'him' referred to. James understood instantly.

**James Potter**: what did he do????

**Detective Evans**: Threaten to sleep on my doormat if I didn't tell him the truth about the 'tall guy with glasses'

**James Potter**: oh

**Detective Evans**: Yeah

**James Potter**: so what did you tell him

**Detective Evans**: It's late, I'm going to bed.

**James Potter**: ok goodnight

**James Potter**: i'll bring by the paperwork for the restraining order tomorrow

**Detective Evans**: I'll wait for you on the bench.

'_I'll wait for you on __our__ bench_'. James stared at the text for perhaps a bit too long. But he couldn't help it.

'_I'll wait for you on our bench_'. His chest felt warm, right where his heart was.

'_Our bench_'. '_Our_'.

His eyes started to sting and James realized he had forgotten how to blink. But he would keep staring at the text until it would be carved into not only his memory but also his retina.

'_Our_'. It meant they shared something. Something important, something valuable. A place under an oak tree.

It put an end to the infinite question: were they strangers? Strangers did not share custody of something as beautiful and precious as a bench. And really, if James thought about it, had they ever been strangers to begin with?

Not really. They had been more than strangers ever since their first meeting. They had always shared something. Something invisible and powerful, but something that existed well before James sat on that bench, that very first time.

They were destined to be more than strangers. They were destined to be infinite.

James fell asleep without realizing his thoughts had stopped making sense a while ago.

“Why are we going at the park again, daddy?”

“Because it's sunny outside!”

“We go to the park everyday now?”

“Not everyday, just... whenever daddy feels like going to the park.”

“It's because your friend is there, right?”

Some mornings, Harry was smarter than James would have liked him to be. 

“No, it's... no, I...” James struggled with finding the right words for a second before giving up trying. “Yeah, it's because my friend is there.” He looked down at his buzzing phone. A new message from the station. '_New developments in the Jane Austen's school board case. __About to be cracked. Malfoy and Umbridge guilty_.' James threw a celebratory fist in the air before looking down at his son.

“Where are your shoes? Go get your shoes.”

“I like her.”

“Who?”

“Your friend.”

“You like her?” James repeated, before getting back to his phone. “That's good. I like her too,” he added distractedly.

“Maybe we can invite her here?”

J ames put his phone back in his pocket and looked  down at Harry, who very uncharacteristically hadn't moved a muscle.

“Where are your shoes, little man? I said we need to go!”

“Can we invite your friend here?”

“Maybe,” said James evasively. “We'll see. Now go put your shoes on, please.”

E ven once in the car, Harry didn't stop talking about Lily  (“ _What's her job? How old is she? How much do you like her?_ ”) a nd James' attempts at distracting him all failed miserably.  Answering the questions proved to be just as much work as avoiding them, and when James pulled up at the station, his only solution to keep Harry quiet was to stick a lollipop in his mouth.

B ribing his child with candy. This was a new low, even for James. But what choice did he have? He couldn't risk setting a loud, chatty child with too much information loose inside a police station.  _His_ police station.

And really, there weren't much risks. Even if Harry uttered Lily's name, it was very likely that no one would pay attention. And even if someone did hear, and did ask Harry about her, then Harry would have nothing to say.

Because James' behavior with Lily had been nothing but professional and  appropriately courteous. At least that was what he told himself.  Because even if a relationship wasn't technically forbidden between the two of them, it would still be frowned upon if people were to hear James and Lily shared something as trivial and wonderful as a bench.

So James kept telling himself he had done nothing wrong. He kept blocking out the memories of that kiss every time they resurfaced. Which meant often. Ridiculously often.

He was on edge for the entire time he spent in the station. He looked up every four seconds to check on Harry, making sure he stayed occupied, quiet and didn't mention Lily's name.

And really, he had nothing to feel guilty about. Really.

But still,  the situation was nerve-wracking.

James couldn't get out of the station fast enough. He almost ran out, with Harry under one arm, and the report he needed under the other. His team had managed to gather valuable intel at an unprecedented speed, and the case was soon to be closed.

Umbridge, Malfoy, as well as several others on the school board would be brought to trial, on several charges of bribery, extortion, and abuse of power.

James couldn't wait to share the news with Lily. He couldn't wait to sit next to her, to talk to her, to look at her.

He fastened Harry's seat-belt faster than he ever had, and jumped in the car.  He stopped at every orange light and respected all the speed limitations, but he couldn’t help his fingers from tapping the wheel nervously.

He ruffled up his hair and smiled at his reflection in the rear-view mirror. He looked tired, but not any more than he usually was. Surely Lily wouldn't find him repulsive.

And anyway, who cared what she thought about his appearance? She could find James hideous and it wouldn't make a difference. They were friends. That's all they were ever going to be.

If he kept lying to himself like that, maybe there would come a time when he would actually believe it.

When they got to the park, Harry ran to the slide like a cannonball, and James approached the bench just as fast.

“So I have a report for you.”

Lily looked up. And dear God. Would she ever stop to take his breath away? Would he ever not be rendered speechless by her forest green eyes and the way her gaze trailed down his face, his chest, his arms?

“Oh, so we're not even saying hi anymore?” said Lily. Would her voice ever stop transporting him to a Shakespearean stage? Whether it was a tragedy, or the greatest romance in all of times, if Lily was Juliet, James would have given the world to be Romeo.

“Sorry,” he said, a little too late and a little too weakly. “Hi.”

“Well it's too late now, my interest is peaked, give me the report.”

Lily scootched over on the bench and James sat down next to her, brandishing the file he had been hiding being his back.

“I'm going to need you to sign some stuff,” he warned her. “If you see a mistake in what you read, any inaccuracy or false statement, tell me immediately. You can't sign the report if it isn't perfect.”

Lily nodded and reached for a pen in her purse.

“Got it.”

While she read through everything, James watched Harry play. He tried not to pay attention to the focused way Lily carried her pen to her lips, or how the sun made golden specks in her hair. He listened to that low humming sound she made when she was thinking and he thought about how easy it would be to fall asleep to that sound every night.

“Wow,” she said after a while. “I had no idea it was that bad.”

“No one expected it to go this far.” James nodded. “It was a much bigger network than I thought it was, but they were so sure they weren't going to get caught they made it very easy for my team to find evidence and bring them down. Idiots with a superiority complex.”

Lily laughed.

“Yep. That's the perfect way to describe it.” She signed the bottom of the last page and handed the file back to James. “What's going to happen to the school? Now that the headmistress is gone, I mean.”

“I guess the job is available now.” James shrugged. “Would you happen to know anyone with a good knowledge of this school, who already knows and loves the kids there and who would be interested?” he asked. “I mean, they would have to have been a teacher prior to directing, and if they could have red hair and green eyes it would simply be perfect.”

Lily blinked at him. He blinked back. '_You'd be perfect'_.

“You know,” she started. “There might be someone at the school who fits this exact description. She'll consider it.”

“I hope she takes the job,” said James seriously. “Not only for her, but for all the kids who want to get into that school but can't. For all the parents who are tired of the elitist policy. I think I heard somewhere that she doesn't like it either.”

Lily blinked at him again.

“You always do get what you want.”

“I try my best.”

There was a pause. In which James' eyes stayed stuck on Lily. In which her eyes stayed stuck on him. 

And they wouldn't fall into that tricky game again, the game made of looks and smiles that had once brought them to a place they could not go back to.

They would not play that game again. It would be like playing with fire, expect the danger didn't lie in being burned, the danger was falling in love.

James cleared his throat and reached in to his backpack.

“And here's your restraining order, that I'm going to need you to fill up and sign as well.”

“Oh James, what would I do without you?” said Lily, and although there was an ounce of sarcasm in her voice, when their fingers brushed and their eyes met, James knew she meant it.

“Everybody needs a little help sometimes,” he said softly.

Lily placed the papers on her knees but didn't look down at them. She kept looking at James. Nodding at what he had said.

“You know this also applies to you, right?” she said. “Needing help. I can't imagine how hard it must be to do this entire parenting thing on your own. You _can_ ask for help, you know?”

James didn't say anything. Even if he knew what to say, the lump in his throat was back and no words were strong enough to push past it.

“I am good with kids, as you once noticed,” Lily continued. “And I really like Harry. If you need help, you know I'm only a phone call away.”

James nodded because that was all he could do. Lily seemed to understand his inability to answer and she started filling the paperwork on her knees.

It was only once she reached the bottom of the first page that James spoke again.

“What happened last night?” he asked. “And do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.” Lily shook her head and started filling the other side of the paper. “He was my best friend. I thought he would always be in my life. But at one point we went our separate ways and the path he chose isn't one I can accept or forgive. Having to do this... it's hard.”

He couldn't begin to imagine what she was feeling.

“Here you go.” She handed him back the signed paperwork. “Is there anything else I need to do?”

“No, I'll take care of the rest.”

“Thank you.”

“You're welcome.”

They spoke softly. As if perhaps, the words had more meaning when whispered.

There was something in the air. Something that buzzed loud in James' ears, something that pushed him to do exactly what he had sworn he wouldn't. Something that Lily was feeling too, judging by the way her gaze trailed down James' face to his lips.

James cleared his throat and stuffed the paperwork inside his backpack to stop himself from doing something he know he would regret. Something he couldn't do. Wouldn't do.

Even if, at this point, he couldn't care less about his job and the way his colleges would feel about his relationship with a witness, he still couldn't. There was Harry.

Harry was his priority, it had always been and it would always be. James couldn't lose focus of that. A relationship was complicated and confusing enough. Dragging a kid into it would only make it worse. Not that Harry wouldn't be able to understand, James was sure he would. But if something were to happen between him and Lily, if Harry got attached to her, and if then Lily decided to leave them, then there would be two broken heart, not just one.

Which was why he couldn't. He held on to that. He wouldn't. Because it was no only his feelings which could get hurt.

When James gathered the courage he needed to look up from his bag, it was to see Harry sprinting towards them with determination. Eyebrows furrowed with focus, he was staring at Lily and immediately James knew what was going to happen. He knew his son too well.

“Oh, here we go,” he said to himself, leaning back against the back of the bench.

Harry planted himself in front of Lily and ran a hair through his hair, perfect and involuntary imitation of his father's habit. 

“Daddy said you would come eat dinner with us.”

“What?” Lily turned to James.

“No, I didn't,” he answered, before turning to Harry. “I said maybe we could invite her if you really wanted to.”

“I really want to,” responded Harry. “Can you come?” he said to Lily, putting his hands together and giving her his very best pleading face.

“I...” Lily looked at James and raised her eyebrows questioningly. “Hum, sure. You know, why not?” she added, turning back to Harry, who jumped in the air to celebrate then sprinted away, leaving as fast as he had arrived.

“Did...” she stuttered. “Did your son just ask me on a date?”

“I'm sorry, I... I don't know what's gotten into him. And I don't know why you accepted either,” James said softly.

“Well, why not?” Lily repeated, shrugging her indifference. “Harry seems happy about it. I can bring pizzas if you don't want to cook.”

“Oh no, I can cook! I can even invite Sirius and Remus so you can meet them. Harry would be delighted.”

“That would be awesome. Not gonna lie, I'm very excited to meet dog-man.”

James laughed.

“Oh, he's gonna love you.”

It was true. In fact, Sirius already loved Lily, but James couldn't say that out loud. He couldn't admit that they had spend a bit too much time talking about Lily on the phone. And that Sirius was just as eager to meet her as she was to meet him.

In fact, James wasn't entirely convinced that Harry's surprise invitation had been planned only by him. Only yesterday, Sirius had asked to speak to Harry on the phone, and the latter had locked himself into his room and they had talked and giggled for almost fifteen minutes. No wonder why Harry couldn't stop talking about Lily all of a sudden. Sirius must have told him something.

He had a tendency to forget Harry was just a child, and he acted with him as if he were a mini-James. Which could be adorable. But for some things, Harry was just too young.

“He asked a lot about you,” James said, breaking the silence that had settled on the both of them. “Harry, I mean,” he added.

“Oh, really?”

“Yeah. This morning, at home and in the car. He just couldn't shut up about you, I couldn't answer half of his questions.”

“Well, what were the questions? I'm sure I could put an end to his concerns.”

“Just kid stuff. Like your favorite color, your favorite movie, your favorite food, if you had any pets, what kind of music you liked...”

“Well, officer,” interrupted Lily with a smile. “Here's another man to add to the restraining order.”

“I shall get on it right away, milady,” said James, tipping an imaginary hat. “The boy will not bother you again.”

Lily laughed and the world became a whole lot brighter.

What could James do, when she laughed like that? What could he say? How could he pretend he wasn't falling in love, faster and deeper than he ever had before?

He looked away from her again. Staring at her was like staring at the sun, and James didn't want to go blind.

“Notting Hill,” she said after a while.

“Notting Hill?” James repeated, raising a surprised eyebrow. “That's your favorite movie? Notting Hill?”

“Yeah,” Lily said defensively. “Why do you sound so surprised? It's a classic!”

“Oh yeah, I know! Actually, it explains why you like me so much.” James ruffled up his hair and shot her the widest smile he could. “I've been told I look like a young Hugh Grant.”

“Oh, you wish,” Lily scoffed. 

“I do!” said James, indignant. “I do look like him! And trust me, I wish I didn't. It's hard being so devilishly handsome, him and I share the same burden.”

“Could your head get any bigger?”

James pursed his lips to hold back his smile and shook his head in denial.

“Besides,” Lily continued. “Your eyes are hazel, Hugh's eyes are blue.”

“Wow, well, that was just as the top of your head, wasn't it?”

“Why wouldn't it be? Why wouldn't Hugh's face be carved into my mind?”

“You make a great point there, Evans.”

She bowed her head gracefully and a strand of her hair fell in front of her face. James would have given the world for the opportunity to tuck it behind her ear. For his hand to linger on her face for just a little too long.

“What's _your_ favorite movie?” Lily asked suddenly.

“Hum...” He wondered for a second whether to tell the truth or not. Now was the time to pick something violent and manly that would boost his sense of virility. But he couldn't lie, not to Lily. He had to tell the truth, no matter how embarrassing it might be. “Pride and Prejudice,” he admitted.

“Pride and...” Lily repeated, eyes as wide as saucers. “Are you kidding me? And you judged me for Notting Hill?”

“I didn't judge you for Notting Hill!” James protested.

“Yes, you did, you so judged me! When you like the exact same type of movie! I bet you loved Notting Hill.”

“It's a strong contender for first place in my ranking.”

“I knew it!” Lily bounced from excitement on the bench and James laughed wholeheartedly. 

Perhaps they shouldn't have been so happy, bickering on a bench like teenagers. Perhaps they should have been more adult, more reserved, more mature, but they couldn't help it. Being with Lily unleashed all of James' youthful energy and he felt young and fun and he wanted to laugh and be loud and show the world how happy they were.

They continued the teasing and the playful arguing until Harry's stomach reminded them the time and James rushed home to feed him.

Even hours later, James' heart still made a funny little loop inside his chest when he thought about his address, typed precipitately into Lily's phone.

She would be here tonight. Everything had to be perfect.

He swiped the floors, dusted the furniture, put away Harry's toys and brushed some of them under the couch with his foot when he was too lazy to bend down. He cooked and he cleaned until mid-afternoon, while Harry took the longest nap of his life after exhausting himself at the park.

It had been a while since the apartment had been so spotless. The pillows were fluffed on the red couch, the wooden furniture shined with a new life, and the white carpet was, for the first time, clean of crumbs and other various pieces of food Harry loved to drop on it.

James had scrubbed the floor of the kitchen so hard, and for so long, than he could almost see his reflection in it.

When the doorbell rang, James wiped his hands on his reindeer apron and rushed to open the door to Sirius and Remus.

“My God, this place has never been cleaner!” exclaimed Remus, before even saying hello.

“I told you,” said Sirius, moving from the threshold and throwing his leather jacket on the couch. “All it takes for Prongs to get his life in order is for him to fall in love.”

James froze on his way back to the kitchen.

“See, that's the kind of thing you're not going to say in front of Lily,” he warned. “Otherwise I might accidentally slip some poison in your food.”

Sirius arched a perfect eyebrow and threw his long black hair over his shoulder.

“If the punishment for embarrassing you in front of your crush is death, it's worth it and I will gladly accept it.”

Remus rolled his eyes to the ceiling and James pretended to be mad for about half a second.

“Where's Harry?” asked Sirius, ignoring them.

“In his room. He was napping, but I'm pretty sure he's awake now and sneakily watching Shrek with the tablet.”

“Didn't you just confiscate that?” asked Remus as Sirius sprinted to Harry's bedroom.

“I did.” James nodded solemnly. “But then he asked nicely to have it back, and it keeps him calm when I need to clean. Don't judge me.”

Remus shook his head vehemently.

“I could never. I'm actually pretty certain you're the best dad in the world.”

“Thank you.” James could never tell him how much this meant to him. “And I'm pretty certain you're the best uncle in the world.”

“What about Sirius?”

A loud growl echoed down the corridor and Sirius burst in the living-room at full speed, carrying a giggling Harry on his back. Trying to dismount the little boy, Sirius gave him a shake and jumped up and down, with a very unnecessary amount of ferocious growling.

James put his hand on Remus' shoulder as they stood there and fondly watched the show unravel.

“Well,” he said. “Sirius is more of a strange bear than than is an uncle. But yeah,” he added. “He's great.”

Harry clung to Sirius's neck as if his life depended on it and his boisterous laugh soon filled the living room and bounced on the walls. Happy, happy, happy. That was all James could feel in front of this scene. Deliciously, deliriously happy.

Sirius and Remus were the closest thing he had to a family, now that his parents were gone. Which meant Lily would be meeting his entire family tonight. James stomach turned at the realization.

What was he doing? Why was he looking at Sirius and Harry, pretending everything was okay? Nothing was okay. Lily would come here. To his apartment.

This was no longer just a friendly meeting at the park. This was James' life, his family, where he lived. Something deeply personal, which he shared with practically no one. What was he thinking?

He couldn't just let her into his life like that. Not when Harry's emotional stability was on the line. James reached for his phone. Perhaps it wasn't too late to cancel.

Perhaps it wasn't too late to tell her to run, to stop looking at him, to stop smiling at him, to stop forcing her way into his heart.

He scrolled through his contacts until he found Lily's name, and his finger hovered above it for a few seconds. He couldn't do it. He didn't want to cancel, not really. He wanted her here. It was terrifying to admit, but he did.

His heart knocked against his ribs. Hard. 

He was scared.

What if they didn't like each other? It was stupid and irrational, but it was the only thing on his mind. What if Lily hated Sirius? His mannerisms, his leather jacket, the moon tattooed on his forearm? What if Remus didn't like Lily? The way she looked away sometimes when spoken to, or the fragile, deep quality of her voice?

What if it all went wrong?

What would he do then?

He could always move to Alaska. Harry would love the wildlife and the snow. Yes, Alaska was a good plan. In case something went wrong, it would be his last resort.

Maybe he should already book the tickets.

The sound of the doorbell told him it was too late. Sirius rushed to open the door, Harry still on his back, and James ran to take Lily's jacket.

He tried not to let his gaze linger on her hair, descending on her shoulders like waves. He tried not to notice her eyelashes were longer and thicker than usual, her lips redder, her heels higher. He tried not to stare at her dress, black and tight and beautiful.

He smiled at her, took her jacket and hung it on the coat rack he had cleared for the occasion.

Sirius and Remus took turns greeting Lily with a hug, and Harry kissed her on the cheek. It seemed like the most natural thing in the world. She fit in perfectly.

“She's stunning,” Sirius whispered loudly, turning to James. Lily pretended not to hear, but there was a smile tugging at her lips.

“She is,” whispered James in the same tone. He avoided looking at Lily, but he knew she was looking at him. She heard that too.

Oh well. It wasn't as if she didn't know it.

James showed her to the couch, where she sat with Remus while Sirius continued to play with Harry. James ran back into the kitchen, more to give himself a second to breathe than to check on the oven like he had told everyone.

He opened the window and breathed in the cool air of the evening. The sun was starting to set already.

Laughter and bits and pieces of conversation reached him from the living room. James gathered his courage.

He would be okay. Everything would be okay.

“Daddy?”

James turned, to see Harry standing in the middle of the kitchen, looking at him anxiously.

“Yes, buddy?” 

“What are you doing?”

“Just...” James didn't really know. “Just thinking.”

“That's not fun,” said Harry wisely. “Come play with us.”

James smiled at him. Harry made it all worth it. The worrying, the heartache, the everything. James only had to take one look at his son for his heart and mind to heal.

Without warning, he grabbed Harry and threw him over his shoulder. When James came in to the living-room, Harry was still howling with laughter, and Sirius, Remus and Lily were talking as if they were the best friends in the world.

“He thought I had kidnapped a child.”

“Nooo.” Sirius placed a hand over his gaping mouth before turning to James. “You didn't.”

“I did.” James nodded. “Followed her car all the way to the park.”

“Are you insane?” Remus ran his hand through his golden curls and stared at James with bulging eyes.

“Very much so,” agreed Lily.

James sat next to her on the couch and elbowed her in the ribs as a revenge for her comment. 

“So...” Sirius, sat on the ground, was staring at the two of them in astonishment. “Did you confront her, Prongs? What happened?”

Lily turned to look at James. They were so close on the couch that he could distinctively see golden specks in the green of her eyes. He turned back to Sirius before she could steal his breath.

“I think she confronted _me_, actually.”

Lily laughed and nodded.

“I did. I think I asked him if he was stalking me.”

“I lied, of course,” James interrupted.

“And you asked me if you could sit.” Lily turned to him. He turned to her. Her smile eclipsed everything else.

“And you said no,” he remembered.

“And you sat anyway.”

He bit his lip as memories of that afternoon came flooding back. He had been so starstruck then. He was still just as starstruck now.

“Sorry about that,” he said to her. “I guess I didn't make the best first impression.”

“You made a great first impression.”

In front of them, Sirius pretended to throw up on the coffee table.

“Ew, get a room, you two,” he said loudly.

“Shut up, Sirius!” Remus said. “They're both very cute.”

Lily's cheeks turned a nice shade of pink and James chose to ignore his friends all together.

“Who's hungry?”

Both Sirius and Harry screamed out “MEEE!” and James let out a breath he didn't know he was holding. The diversion had worked. Perhaps if he could make it through dinner he wouldn't have to move to Alaska after all.

He got up and set the table with the help of Remus and Lily. It was only then, while observing them, that he noticed how similar they were. They had the same quiet energy, the same angel smile that could get them out of the worst trouble and the same razor-sharp wits. They both appeared so innocent at first glance.

They got along great, talking about a book James hadn't read. While they argued about a character's moral ambiguity, James left for the kitchen took the chicken and the potatoes out of the oven and arranged the plates nicely.

Piece of chicken in the middle of the plate, potatoes around, steamed green beans on top. Doused in ketchup for Harry. Especially well plated for Lily.

“He's so stressed, it's adorable.” Remus' voice was a whisper but James hear it distinctively from the kitchen.

“Isn't it?” Lily's voice bore the familiar tone that came with her smile. James could almost see it through the wall.

And it was wrong to listen in on this conversation, but they were talking about him in his absence, so really, why choice did he have but to eavesdrop attentively?

“Other than us, he never has friends over,” continued Remus, still whispering in the absolute certainty James couldn't hear. “You must be pretty special to him.”

“Oh,” said Lily. James felt the blood rush to his cheeks and he tried to focus his attention back on the plates. Why did he think listening in was a good idea? “Well, it was actually Harry who invited me,” Lily continued. “But yeah, James is pretty special to me too.”

James dropped his spatula and half-a-dozen roasted potatoes crashed on the ground and rolled on the kitchen floor. Sirius popped his head in the door frame.

“Are you okay in there?” His gaze dropped down to the food on the floor and trailed back up to James.

“I'm- Yeah, I'm fine,” James blurred out.

“Do you need any help?”

“No- No, I'll be right out.”

“Okay.” Dubious, Sirius looked at James for a few more seconds. “Weirdo,” he added before disappearing out the door.

James gathered himself, picked up the potatoes from the ground and threw them away, then brought the plates to the living room. It had been a while since he had hosted a sat-down dinner like this. Usually, when Sirius, Remus or Peter came over, it was pizza on the couch in front of the tv.

This was more serious. Almost adult.

His friends marveled at the beauty of the plates, then dug in enthusiastically. The sound of forks and knives on ceramic soon joined the sound of conversations and Harry's excited blabbering.

“James, I didn't know you were such a good cook!” said Lily after a while. Her plate was almost completely empty. She meant it.

“Yeah, well...” James shrugged. “Benefits of having a kid. You spend your whole life cooking. Eventually you become good at it.”

Sirius stuffed his mouth with the rest of his potatoes and Remus rolled his eyes next to him.

“You know, Prongs,” said Sirius, swallowing visibly. “If you made the effort to cook like that for us, we would be here every night.”

James threw his napkin at him and Sirius caught it easily.

“You love pizzas just as much as you love my cooking, stop complaining.”

Sirius made a non-committal humming sound and continued stuffing his face with potatoes he stole from Remus' plate. Harry found this to be the most amusing thing he had ever seen in his life and imitated Sirius by stealing from his dad's plate.

“And stop being a bad influence on my son,” said James, holding his plate out of Harry's reach.

Lily took advantage of the fact that James' plate was now near her to steal from it as well.

“I am surrounded by thieves,” James concluded, deadpan. “Where did I go wrong in life?”

“Prongs, believe me,” said Remus, suddenly serious. “There's five incredible people sitting around your table. It means you're doing something very right.”

“Why do you call him Prongs?” said Lily, throwing an interrogative look at Sirius and Remus over the table.

“Because they're ridiculous and refuse to let go of old childhood nicknames,” said James, stacking up their empty plates.

“He loves it,” Sirius said, leaning towards Lily. “He's just pretending he doesn't because you're here and he wants to seem cool.”

“But I am cool!” James protested. 

“You wish.” Sirius and Lily had spoken in the same voice. James blinked at them. Lily laughed.

Why did she fit in so perfectly? Why couldn't this evening have gone terribly? It would have been so much simpler then. A one-way ticket to Alaska and no messy, complicated feelings clawing their way into James' heart.

He brought the empty plates back to the kitchen so he wouldn't have to hear an umpteenth time his embarrassing antler story Sirius made a pleasure of telling at every family meal.

He cut into his pie and was relieved to find it cooked all the way through. He _was_ a good cook. He had never thought of himself that way, and if Lily hadn't mention it, perhaps he never would have, but it was true.

Harry wasn't the most accommodating of 4 year-old boys. His taste in food always varied, forcing James to stay on his toes, challenging him to stray from the familiar path. He invented recipes more times than none.

His chocolate and banana cream pie was a first in the Potter household, but James had every certainty that Harry would love it. And even if he didn't, Remus probably wouldn't mind finishing it all on his own.

He brought it out to the table and waved away the avalanche of compliments.

“It's nothing, took me two minutes.”

“It's gorgeous, and it needs to be in my stomach right now.”

Needless to say, twenty minutes later, the pie had disappeared from the earth's surface. James looked around the table fondly. Sirius was making weird faces at Harry, while the latter tried to kick him under the table and Lily and Remus were deep into a conversation about what seemed to be their favorite author.

All was well.

“Can Harry sleep at our place?”

James stared blankly at Sirius.

“Why?” 

“We want to have a sleepover.” Sirius gave James a pleading look. “And you can enjoy your one evening of the year without a kid.” He glanced sideways at Lily, and suddenly, his intentions were painfully obvious. “We'll take Harry out of your hands and you and Lily can watch a movie, or talk, or do whatever.”

James winced at the tone Sirius used for that last word. Really? In front of Harry?

“If I say no, would it really make a difference?” he asked. “Can you promise you won't grab him and run to your car?”

“No,” answered Sirius. “No, I can't promise that in all sincerity.”

“Then yes. But only because then I can take the proper time to gather his stuff for the night.”

Sirius rolled his eyes, gesture he had inherited from Remus, and James left for Harry's room. He picked up a backpack from the floor and threw in Harry's pajamas, his toothbrush, the antibiotic he had stopped needing to take a week ago but one could never be too careful, his talkie-walkie in case he needed to reach James quickly, his towel, his lovey, his pillowcase, a change of clothes and a framed picture of the two of them.

“I'm not taking him for twelve years, you know.” James turned around to see his friends gathered at the door-frame of Harry's bedroom. Sirius was smiling, but he looked at the filled backpack with concern in his eyes. “I'm bringing him back tomorrow morning, no need to be quite so dramatic in your packing.”

“Never know what could happen,” mumbled James, stuffing a third pair of sock into an outside pocket.

“You think the apocalypse is going to break out during the twelve hours Harry's going to be away from you?” asked Remus.

“Leave him alone,” said Lily gently. “I think it's adorable.”

James looked up at her. Their eyes met and suddenly James wasn't so scared about Harry leaving for the night. He was kind of looking forward to it.

“Here you go,” he said, as he zipped up the backpack with difficultly and handed it to Sirius. “His bedtime is at 8, make sure he brushes his teeth and call me if there is anything. I mean it.”

“Will do!” said Sirius excitedly.

James didn’t trust his cheek grin.

“Remus, you're a reasonable person,” he said, turning to his brother-in-law. “Would you please make sure they don't go to bed too late?”

“I will also watch out for any non-authorized construction of pillow forts.” Remus nodded, walking down the corridor back to the living room. “Unless they show a permit, nothing shall be built in our apartment.”

Lily laughed and Sirius picked up Harry and threw him on his shoulder.

“We better get going then,” he said. “This little guy's bedtime is soon and I want you guys to enjoy your evening.”

James and Lily exchanged a look. Sirius was the least subtle man in the world.

“Sirius, you're the least subtle man in the world,” said Lily. Her and James thought so much alike. He would kiss her smile if he could.

Sirius, Remus and Harry left, and for the first time in his life, it didn't feel as if James' heart had been torn away from his body. It was still here. Beating loudly against his ribcage. Pumping blood, adrenaline, and some emotion James didn't want to think about.

“I really like them,” said Lily as she sat back down. Her hair clashed with the red of the couch. James could have watched her for hours.

“Yeah, they're great,” he said mindlessly.

He sat down next to her.

Somehow, it felt much different than sitting together on the bench at the park. It was quieter. More intimate.

They could see the night sky from the window, and the moon hanging high above the world. They could hear soft, muffled music coming through the wall of the adjacent flat.

James was scared. Incredibly so. Because Lily was watching him, waiting for him to say something and because he wasn't sure he could.

There was so much to consider. So much on the line. Fears he had never shared before. Thoughts that confused him and contradicted each other.

To love was to be vulnerable. Completely and fully. Accepting that there was a possibility he might get hurt. Embracing it.

To love was to be brave. Incredibly so. Jumping head first into a fire he knew would consume him. Choosing to trust.

To love was inevitable. For James, it had not been a choice.

“It was a complete accident.” He completed his thought out loud.

“What was?”

“Falling in love with you.” James' confession was quiet and yet it filled the whole space. The only sound in the entire world was that of his heartbeat and of his husky voice, trembling with vulnerability. “It was an accident,” he continued. “I didn't mean for it to happen. I tried hard to fight against it, but no matter what I did, it... it just happened. You sneaked up on me. I didn't expect you to come into my life like that, and suddenly occupy my every thought. You have bewitched me,” he added with a smile. “Body and soul.”

Lily looked at him with such intensity, James thought he might burn on the spot. 

“Is that...” Lily smiled through the words. “Is that a line from Pride and Prejudice?” 

“Yeah.” He couldn't breathe, because she leaned towards him and because she was too close, much too close.

“You're such a nerd,” she whispered against his lips.

When he kissed her back, he knew it was the last thing he should be doing. The very last thing.

But dear God. He had found heaven again. In her lips, in her touch, in her perfume that engulfed him.

He was meant to do this. He was meant to do this forever and never stop. His hand was meant to be on his waist. Otherwise, why did it fit so perfectly? Why did James feel complete now, after years of feeling alone?

But this was the last thing he should be doing, the absolute last thing.

Why was he opening his heart like this, allowing her the possibility to stomp all over it? Why was he so unsure, so afraid?

He tore himself away from her reluctantly. They were not teenagers. They could survive an adult conversation.

“What's wrong?” she said. Her worried eyes scanned his face. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” said James. “Yeah, I'm fine. It's just... If we're gonna do this... then it's gotta be serious.” He couldn't stand that tone, the silence around. All of a sudden the air became heavy and hot. “There has to be a serious commitment,” he continued. “Because it isn't just you and me. It's you, me and Harry. Being a dad... it's not the only thing that I am, but most days, it's the only thing I'm good at. I can never lose sight of that. Of him. Which means I can't jump into a relationship if I'm not certain it's going to last. So I guess my question is... Are you a hundred percent ready to be committed?”

Lily smiled at him sadly and looked down at her hands. Her silence was telling. Earth-shattering.

“Can I think about it?”

James' heart broke. Into a million tiny pieces.

“Of course.”

He barely saw her get up. He barely felt her featherlight kiss on his cheek. He barely heard her leave.

He sat on the couch and stared at the wall, for perhaps a bit too long. The apartment was so quiet without Harry. So empty.

James got up and washed the dishes. Scrubbed them until his fingers wrinkled from the water. Put them away. Tried to sort through the storm of emotions ravaging his insides.

He was hurt. He kept telling himself he shouldn't be, but he was.

Deep down, he had hoped she would have accepted immediately. That it was as clear for her as it was for him, that she would have jumped into this relationship the second James had suggested it.

Obviously, he had been wrong. And perhaps it was for the best.

Better to know now, right? Before he could get too attached, fall too deep in love, before the thought of never seeing her again could send him into a downward spiral of the worst, most irrational fears.

Well. Perhaps it was a bit too late for that.

He wished Harry was here.

Harry would know what to do. Harry would put his tiny hand on his dad's face and wipe away his tears. Harry would repeat the words James had said to him so often. _It's okay to cry_.

And James could have hugged him and tell him he loved him, and he could have read him a story before bed, and he could have watched his son fall asleep and then he would have been able to know, to truly know, that everything was going to be okay.

Now he wasn't so sure. Now he was alone inside a big apartment, wondering why he ever let it get to this point. He didn't want this. He had tried to avoid this. And it happened anyway.

Perhaps because it was meant to be. He was meant to be alone, and this was the universe's cruel way of telling him.

He turned on the shower and let the cold water run down his back. Maybe if he wished it hard enough, the water could have healing properties. Maybe if he tried hard enough, he could figure out how to breathe again. He had left his lungs on the couch, right by his heart.

Why did it feel like this? Like he was suffocating?

Lily was not his oxygen, she was a person he had met on a park bench. So what if she turned him down? The world would not stop.

He slipped into his sleeping shirt and went to bed feeling as though there was something missing. Not knowing if the absence he felt so deeply was that of his son or of a presence next to him in his bed.

It was 3AM when his phone buzzed. He still wasn't sleeping.

**Lily Evans**: Can you meet me at the bench?

**James Potter**: when?

**Lily Evans**: Now.

**James Potter**: is there an emergency

**Lily Evans**: I have an answer.

**James Potter**: on my way

The park was quiet. The sky immense.

The moonlight turned the blades of grass into a silver sea on which James floated silently. It looked like another world.

It felt like another life.

When he reached her, and she turned to him, it was a new air in James' lungs. Oxygen, magic and promise.

“All right, Evans?”

“I love you,” she said. “Most ardently.”

Pride and Prejudice again.

“So I'm in,” she continued. “One hundred percent.”

When James leaned down to kissed her, he couldn't help but repeating her own words back to her, whispering them on her lips.

“You're such a nerd.”

**Author's Note:**

> sorry I took this lovely, wholesome prompt and turned it into a whole ass conspiracy theory and social commentary, I think there is something really wrong with me
> 
> i hope you enjoyed the story nonetheless! please let me know what you think!


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